Walking Through Fire
by GirlInTheMirror121
Summary: Part three of my "Fire Trilogy" and sequel to "Phoenix". Now that Kurt and Santana are out of rehab, what will happen to them? Will they stay strong with their newfound loves? Or will they spiral downwards into the flames again? Puck/Kurt; Santana/OC.
1. Trust

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

**Note: So here is the long-awaited (at least, I hope it is) third part in my "Fire Trilogy". If you have not yet read the other two parts to this trilogy, "Playing With Fire" and "Phoenix", you should read them before you start to read this, or you'll be pretty lost, plot-wise. Puck/Kurt and Santana/Original Character. Hope you enjoy this final part in the series! It will most likely be shorter than the other parts, as I'm juggling two other multi-chapters at the same time, and there's not that much more that needs to be said here. **

_Trusting desire, starting to learn_

_Walking through fire without a burn_

_Clinging a shoulder, a leap begins_

_Stinging and older, asleep on pins_

_So here we go…_

Where we last left Kurt and Santana, they were fresh from their stint in the Lima Mercy Hospital Psychiatric Ward, Kurt for his pyromania and Santana for her deep depression. Puck revealed that he had feelings for Kurt, and they became a couple, but Kurt, still shaken from the way Karofsky tormented him, won't allow Puck to go beyond closed-mouth kisses. Santana befriended a fellow lesbian named Tallulah while on the psych ward, and has begun a relationship with her, although Tallulah is terrified to tell anyone, and insists that it stay a secret, especially since Santana's mom kicked her out of her house, and Santana is living temporarily with Kurt. Will Puck be able to heal Kurt's soul and teach him that being touched doesn't have to hurt? Will Santana be able to soothe her new girlfriend's fears and be out and proud? All will be told in this...

* * *

><p>"I'm so sorry Santana," Kurt sat down on the bed gently. "But my dad says you have to find somewhere else to stay now. Maybe you can stay with Britt?"<p>

She shrugged. "I guess I have no choice, do I? I'm trying to remember what Quinn did when her parents kicked her out after the pregnancy…"

"She stayed with Finn, remember? At least, until he found out that it wasn't his. Then she moved in with Puck, and then with…" he broke off, not wanting to say her name.

"Who?" Santana couldn't recall.

"Mercedes," Kurt whispered. "She stayed with Mercedes for the last couple of weeks."

"I just don't know," Santana said, slapping the bed with the palm of her hand. "It's not like I got kicked out because I'm pregnant. I got kicked out of my house because I'm _gay._"

"I'm gay too," Kurt reminded her needlessly.

"Yeah, but your dad didn't throw you out in the street with an hour to pack your bags."

"True," Kurt said. "So no, I don't know what it's like. This isn't the same situation, but…at least you have friends that support you and care about you."

"None of them know but you," Santana pointed out. "Well, except for Britt. So that's why she's the only other one I can turn to."

"Call her," Kurt slid her his new cell phone. "I'll talk to her if you want."

"No, that's okay," Santana took the phone. "I'll tell her…ask her…myself." She dialed Brittany's number by heart. "Britt? Can I…can I stay at your house for a couple of weeks? Or at least, until the end of the semester? I can? You sure? Great! I'll be over in an hour," she hung up excitedly.

"All set?" Kurt smiled, a tease, for he already knew the answer.

"Yep. I'll just…grab the few things that I brought, and…"

"I'll drive you," Kurt offered. Within an hour, he'd dropped Santana off at Brittany's, made sure it was okay with Brittany's parents, and had driven back home. He picked up his phone and sent a quick text to Puck.

**Kurt: Date night tonight?**

**Puck: Love to, babe.**

* * *

><p>"I love date night, I think," Kurt snuggled up to his boyfriend.<p>

"Yeah, they're pretty awesome. The uh, the Chinese food was good," Puck wrapped his arms around the younger boy.

"Eh, I'm not big on it, but I know you like it, so I had Finn order some."

"I love how you get your brother to do your dirty work," Puck teased.

"Finn's gullible. And I figure, if I'm going to have a younger brother, I might as well put my older-brother skills and power to good use."

"Wait, Finn's younger than you?" Puck asked, although he already knew.

Kurt rolled his eyes, knowing that Puck was just teasing. "Know what I love most about date night?"

"I think I know," Puck leaned in for a sweet kiss.

"Yeah, that," Kurt smiled. Puck had tasted like sweet-and-sour sauce, and Kurt was hungry for more. He kissed Puck again, lightly.

"Damn, Kurt, when will you let me reach first base with you?" Puck demanded.

"N…Noah, I told you, I'm not r…ready yet," Kurt stumbled over his words.

"You said in a month. It's been almost a month. Come on, please?"

"N…n…no," Kurt said. "I'm not _ready_ yet, I _told_ you!"

"Fine, Kurt, but if you want this relationship to work….if _we_ want this relationship to work, then you're going to have to learn to trust me and trust that I'm not gonna hurt you like he did. You just gotta trust me, babe."

"I d…do trust you, Noah, I…" Kurt started to say.

"Obviously not enough," Puck stormed out of the room. "Goodnight, Kurt."

Kurt brought his knees to his chest. Desperate, so desperate, to feel the licking of the flames against his skin…

_Was he strong enough to fight them this time around?_


	2. Brotherhood

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

**Note: Hi, readers! So glad that you're excited about this final part in the series. I'm going to try to make it the best part, but I can't make too many promises. Most of my creative energy has gone towards "Oh Simple Thing, Where Have You Gone?". Anyway, thanks to the readers, reviewers, alert-ers, and favorite-ers. **

Kurt lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Things were quieter now that Santana was at Brittany's house. He started doing Yoga breathing to try and calm his mind. Deep inhalation. Slow, calming exhalation. There was a knock at his door. "Come in," he yelled softly, not wanting to have a repeat of when Carole took the door off its hinges.

"Hey," Finn whispered. "I couldn't sleep, so, um…can I…?"

"Yeah, sure," Kurt sat up. "Just…close the door, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course," Finn closed the door behind him. Kurt glanced at the clock, which he hadn't done in hours. Two o'clock in the morning. Curse his insomnia.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" He pulled himself into a cross-legged position.

"Not much. I just wanted to hang out, you know? I, um, I haven't been able to do that with you since like, our parents got married."

Kurt nodded. "Yeah," he said softly. "I've…I've missed you."

"Really?" Finn looked surprised. "That's kind of weird, 'cause I was such an asshole to you. I thought you'd be pissed or something."

"Like I said," Kurt gave him a plaintive look. "I've learned to forgive and forget."

"Cool. Uh, can I sit on the bed with you or…?"

"Sure," Kurt moved over to make room for him.

"Thanks," Finn sat down next to his stepbrother. "Sorry about all this. I couldn't sleep, you know? And I've always wanted a brother I could like, talk to whenever I wanted." Kurt just nodded. "Can I ask you something?"

"Depends on what it is."

Finn twitched nervously. "What does it feel like?"

"What does _what_ feel like, Finn?" Kurt asked tiredly.

"When you…you know," Finn was clearly avoiding the question.

"Oh, just get on with it," Kurt said, annoyed.

"Burn yourself," Finn said, sort of ashamed to ask.

"Wonderful," Kurt murmured, sort of taken aback by the question. "It feels wonderful."

Finn just nodded. "Like the flames are caressing you," Kurt continued. "Like they're reaching up to you…wanting you…loving you…" He looked up at his brother. "You wouldn't understand. You couldn't…_possibly_…"

"I know," Finn whispered. "But I can try, I guess. I wanna be there for you from now on, Kurt. I'm gonna be the best big brother I can be." Kurt gave him a sharp glare. "I meant, big as in, tall, of course…you're older…"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Promise you'll be better? No more calling me a 'faggy stepbrother'?"

"God, Kurt, I'm so sorry about that. Never again, I swear. I was just so worried about you, and angry that you'd run away like that…when I found out what had…what had happened to you…" Finn shook his head. "I thought we'd lost you forever. I would've never lived it down…if you'd had…died…and the last things I said to you were…" Finn took a shuddering breath. "Why did you want to…die…that day, anyway? God, that's such a horrible question, you don't have to answer that."

Kurt sighed. "It's about time I told someone…well, the doctors know…and Santana, too…I…Finn, you have to _swear_ that you'll never tell what I'm about to say to you to Dad or to Carole. Or anyone else at school."

"I…"

"_Swear to me, Finn_."

"Okay, dude, I swear!"

"Karofsky…" Kurt started to say. He collected himself and took a gulp of air. "Raped me," he choked out in a whisper.

"WHAT?"

"Shh," Kurt hushed him furiously, worried that his dad or stepmother would wake up.

"He _raped_ you, Kurt?" Finn looked like he'd been hit with a bucket of cold water.

"Twice. That day…was the second time…it was in the bathroom, after Glee…"

"No," Finn punched Kurt's pillow angrily. "No!"

Kurt nodded solemnly. "I wish I were just saying it…but it's true…God, I hate myself."

"Don't hate yourself," Finn put his arms around his stepbrother. "Kurt…" Kurt began sobbing openly. "Oh, God," Finn held him awkwardly. "Um…don't cry, Kurt…I'll…I'll beat the shit out of him, I swear, me and the other boys…the other…Kurt, have you told Puck yet?" Kurt's heaving sobs answered his questions. "Jesus," Finn said. "It's…it's okay, Kurt, I won't tell him."

"Th-th-th-thanks, F-F-Finn," Kurt managed to gasp between his sobs.

"Anytime, bro," Finn held his brother tight. "I, um, I, uh, I love you. Like a brother, of course. In a brotherly way." He blushed, never having said that to Kurt before.

"I l-l-love you, too, Finn," Kurt sniffled.

* * *

><p>"Finn, Kurt, time for school!" Carole yelled up the stairs. She clomped upstairs and knocked on Finn's door. "Finn?" There was no answer. She opened the door and looked inside. "Finn?" His bed was empty. "What the…?" She shrugged, thinking that he was in the bathroom or something. She saw the bathroom empty, and got a little worried. She took a breath and decided to awake her other son. "Kurt!" She opened his door to find her boys sleeping on Kurt's bed, Finn's arms circling Kurt protectively. She smiled, glad that they were finally bonding. "Boys, time to get up," she shook them gently.<p>

"Hi, Mom," Finn said sheepishly. "Kurt, bro, wake up."

"Whazzit?" Kurt's eyes flew open. "Oh, hi, Carole. This isn't, um, what it looks like."

Carole laughed. "It's okay, honey. I'm just glad that you two are getting along again."

She left to start making breakfast. Kurt wiggled his way out of Finn's arms. "You can't tell her," he reminded him as soon as she was out of earshot.

"Dude, I won't, chill," Finn reassured him.

"I mean it, Finn. If she or…or Dad found out…"

"I won't, Kurt. I won't."

* * *

><p>"Hey, Kurt," Puck was waiting for Kurt by his locker. Kurt walked by him wordlessly, opening his locker and putting books in it, taking out what he needed and putting it in his messenger bag. "Still mad at me for the other night?" Kurt closed his locker and gave Puck a long, meaningful look before walking away. "Look, Kurt, I'm sorry!" But Kurt didn't look back. He wasn't ready to deal with this right now. He'd already told enough about his life for one day, one morning. He'd spent too many tears.<p>

_He didn't want to be in love if it hurt this much._


	3. Cat and Mouse

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or "Cat and Mouse". **

**Note: High time we got some songs in here! Now, with this segment in the series, it's going to be slightly different. Some songs will be actually sung by the characters, but quite a few will just be for narrative purposes. And yes, I do know how this story is going to end. Leave a review :-)**

"Come on, Kurt, please answer the phone," Puck said to Kurt's voicemail. "I'm sorry, okay? I don't know why you just won't talk to me. This silent treatment…it hurts, baby. Why can't you tell me what's wrong? Please…call me, Kurt. I…I love you. Bye." Puck hung up in a mix of frustration and sadness. It had been almost a week since he'd left Kurt's basement in a state of anger and hurt, and Kurt hadn't spoken to him since. Puck knew something had to be up, naturally. Still, this was the first real fight they had had since they'd gotten together, and it stung. "Damnit," Puck said as he checked his messages to see that he had none. He fell back against the pillows on his bed and sighed, staring up at the ceiling, wondering what he had done wrong.

_Softly, we tremble tonight  
><em>_Picture-perfect fading smiles are all that's left in sight  
><em>_I said I'd never leave, you'll never change  
><em>_I'm not satisfied with where I'm at in life_

Kurt's phone beeped, letting him know he had a new voicemail. Curious, he put in his password, half of him hoping it was Puck, and the other half hoping it wasn't. "You have one new message. Message one," the automated voice told him. Kurt held his breath. He listened to Puck's desperate message, and then promptly deleted it. He couldn't deal with it…the begging, the pleading…God, what didn't Puck _understand_?

"Finn?" Kurt called upstairs in a shaky voice.

"He went to Sam's," Carole called back softly. "Are you okay, honey?"

"C…Carole? Can I t…talk to you about something?"

Carole came downstairs. "Sure, sweetie. What is it?"

_Am I supposed to be happy?  
><em>_With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price  
><em>_Am I supposed to be happy?  
>With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price<br>__You said, you said that you would die for me…_

Kurt perched on the end of the couch. "Is love supposed to…hurt?"

Carole looked confused and sat in a chair across from Kurt. "Well, it's not _supposed _to, but sometimes it does. Why do you ask?"

"Because it hurts," Kurt looked down, ashamed.

Carole looked at him sympathetically. "Is this about Puck?"

Kurt shrugged. "I guess, yeah. See, he…we were…"

"I won't tell your dad," Carole assured Kurt.

"We were kissing…the other night…and it's nice, the kissing, but…he tried to get me to…to go beyond closed-mouth kisses…for French kissing…but I just…I couldn't."

"Did you tell him you weren't ready?" Carole asked.

"Yeah. I told him a month ago that maybe I'd be ready by now…but I wasn't…I was too afraid, because of…" he was about to say _what happened with Karofsky_, but stopped himself short.

"Because of what?" Carole looked concerned.

_We made plans to grow old  
><em>_Believe me, there was truth in all these stories that I told  
><em>_Lost in a simple game, cat and mouse  
><em>_Are we the same people as before this came to light?_

Puck rolled over and picked up his phone, dialing Finn. He picked up on the first ring.

"Dude, what's up?"

"Your stepbrother has been giving me the silent treatment for a week," Puck complained. "And I don't even freaking know what I did!"

Finn sighed. "I think it's because you want to go further than he does."

"He talked to you about this? Jeez."

"We're brothers," Finn reminded him. "Look, I couldn't sleep the other night so I went to go talk to him and we ended up talking about a lot."

"What do you mean?" Puck sat up suddenly. "What did he say about me?"

"Dude, I don't think I should be talking to you about this," Finn said cautiously. "I kind of promised him I'd keep it between us."

"I'm his boyfriend!"

"Yes, and I'm his stepbrother," Finn said calmly. "I'm sure he'll talk to you about it when he's ready."

"But WHEN?" Puck demanded. "Is he…is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's okay," Finn said tiredly. "Look, Sam and I are going to shoot some hoops. I'll call you later."

"Fine," Puck hung up in frustration. "Goddamn," he threw the phone at the wall. "God-freaking-damn."

_Am I supposed to be happy?  
><em>_With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price  
><em>_Am I supposed to be happy?  
>With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price<br>__You said, you said that you would die for me…_

"Remember how…Dave Karofsky…was harassing me?"

"Of course," Carole murmured. "How could I forget?"

"I never told Dad, but…he…one day, in the locker room, he…he kissed me," Kurt whispered. "It was forced…well, obviously, it was forced…and he used…tongue. It freaked me out, and since I've started dating Puck…"

"I understand," Carole reached out to put a hand on Kurt's knee. "But why didn't you tell anyone about this?"

"It's not the only thing I've kept from you guys," Kurt looked her dead in the eye.

"What do you mean?" Carole got up to sit next to Kurt. "Kurt, is there…what else happened with him?"

"You can't…you…this has to stay between us," Kurt begged.

"I can't promise that, honey," Carole said, growing more worried with each shade of white her stepson's face was turning.

"You have to…Dad can't know…no one else can…Finn, he knows, but…it's…I had to tell _someone_," Kurt held out his hands in desperation. "And…Santana knows, but she guessed anyway…but Ca…Mom…you can't…_tell…anyone_."

"Okay," she whispered, immediately regretting her choice of words.

_You must live for me, too  
><em>_For me, too  
><em>_Yeah….yeah…yeah…  
><em>_You said that you would die for me_

"He…he…" Kurt started to shake again at the memory of it. "R…r…"

Carole knew what he was talking about right away. She'd seen it many times before. Still, her hand flew to her mouth. "No," she gasped. "Kurt…honey…no…" she wrapped her arms around him as he shook in terror at the memory of Karofsky's body, of his weight on him, of his breath in Kurt's ear and his voice in Kurt's head always. "Why?" Carole whispered. "Why did this have to happen to you?"

"I don't know," Kurt said shakily. "I don't know."

"Are you…you don't have…?"

"No," Kurt choked out. "I don't have an STD."

Carole let out a tiny sigh of relief. "Why didn't you…tell a teacher? Or your Dad, or an adult?"

Kurt pulled away from her and looked her in the eye again. "What would you have done if you were me? If you were the _only out kid_ in your school and you got _raped_…_twice_…by a _closeted homophobe_?"

"Twice?" Carole gasped. "Kurt…"

"That day," Kurt said in a low voice. "That day when I tried to…that was the second time. In the boy's bathroom, after Glee Club…I…I couldn't take it anymore, Carole. I…I'm so sorry…Santana…she tried to stop me, but I…that was the last straw."

_Am I supposed to be happy?  
><em>_With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price  
><em>_Am I supposed to be happy?  
>With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price<br>__You said, you said that you would die for me…_

"Kurt…"

"Don't tell Dad," he begged. "Please…_don't tell him_…he'd kill Karofsky…he'd _kill_ him…Finn already wants to, that's bad enough, having your brother…Finn's been watching out for me, and…and it seems to have gotten better…he never leaves my side at school…Karofsky doesn't dare…to do anything…with Finn there."

"Kurt, I still think someone else should be aware of this…you could put him behind bars, if you had any evidence…"

"Mom. No. No one else can know. It was hard enough telling Finn, let alone telling you."

"Alright," Carole said slowly. "But I don't like it."

"I won't let it happen again. Not with Finn and…and Puck…protecting me."

"Okay. I…I trust you, sweetie," Carole gave Kurt another hug and got up to go. "And to answer your question from before…yes, love is supposed to hurt. But that's why there's always another person to share the pain with." And with that, she went up the stairs, holding back her tears until she was safely alone at the kitchen table.

Kurt sighed and grabbed his phone. He dialed Puck's number by heart, his breath quickening as it rang once, twice.

"Kurt," Puck breathed.

"I have to talk to you," Kurt said.

_You said that you would die for me  
><em>_You said that you would die for me, ohh  
><em>_You said that you would die for me…ohhhh_


	4. Haunted

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Haunted.**

**Note: Wow, this is really down in reviews compared to the other two parts in this series. Oh, well. I was going to have another song in place of this one, but, as with some of the songs in Playing With Fire and Phoenix, I swapped another song with this one. It'll help to explain to Puck better what happened to Kurt. You'll see what I mean. Anyway, leave a review, loves.**

Puck burst through the back door of Kurt's house. "Kurt?"

"Noah?" Carole turned around. "I didn't know you were coming over."

"Kurt said he wanted to talk to me. He sounded upset over the phone." Carole averted his gaze. "Is everything okay with him?"

"He'll tell you when he's ready," Carole said in a low voice.

"He'll tell…Mrs. H, what's going on?"

"I can't tell you, honey. Kurt's okay. He just…please, Noah, just listen to what he has to say, and be patient with him. He needs you now more than ever."

"Is he downstairs?"

"Yes. And Noah? Thanks again for…saving him," she whispered.

"You're welcome, Mrs. H." He turned and went downstairs. He found Kurt curled up on the couch, looking upset. "Kurt," Puck said softly, going over to sit next to him.

"Noah," Kurt murmured. He looked sallow, his eyes tired and searching.

"I'm so glad you're talking to me again," Puck put a hand on Kurt's knee, not noticing the way Kurt flinched as he did so. "I was worried that I'd done something wrong."

"No," Kurt whispered. "You didn't do anything wrong. _I_ did."

Puck looked confused. "You didn't do anything, Kurt. I was the one that tried to get you to go further when you didn't want to."

"I have to tell you the truth," Kurt said, his voice unusually gravelly and rough. "And this is the only way…that I can…" he stood up and pushed a button on his iPod as the familiar music flooded the basement room. He began to sing in a low voice.

_Long-lost words whisper slowly to me  
><em>_Still can't find what keeps me here  
><em>_When all this time I've been so hollow inside  
><em>_I know you're still there_

He was always there, Kurt thought. Always, always…even when I was locked up in the hospital, he was always there. In my dreams, in my subconscious…he was there. He's still there. There isn't a week that goes by that I don't have a horrible nightmare about what happened that day…the first time, the second time…they keep playing on a loop in my head. It left me hollow inside, and there's still a hole there that he left. Even Puck can't fill the void that Dave Karofksy left when he damaged me. What even keeps me here anymore? Is it him? Is it Carole? Finn? Is it my mom, watching out for me?

_Watching me, wanting me  
><em>_I can feel you pull me down  
><em>_Fearing you, loving you  
><em>_I won't let you pull me down_

Every day, Kurt could feel his arms there, pulling him down to the ground. Even in the metamorphic sense, he could feel Karofsky pull him down into a deep, dark hole, to be sucked up into a black hole that would swallow him alive. He feared it every day, that it would happen again, even with Puck and Finn protecting him. Karofsky may be a dumb jock, but even he could find his way to him, to pull him down yet again. Kurt wished that he could have the power to not let himself be pulled down, but he just didn't. He thought he did, he thought he'd learned all that he could, but every day there was the reminder of what had happened, and he couldn't deal.

_Hunting you  
><em>_I can smell you alive  
><em>_Your heart pounding in my head_

Boom. Boom. Boom. All the time, Kurt thought. All the time, I can hear his heart pounding. In my head…in the air…everywhere. I can feel his weight on me. I can feel his breath. It's so terrifying, to lie there awake at night and just hear a heartbeat that is not your own and that is not the heartbeat of the one that you love. Boom. Boom. Boom.

_Watching me, wanting me  
><em>_I can feel you pull me down  
><em>_Saving me, raping me  
><em>_Watching me…_

Puck looked at Kurt in confusion. What the hell was he singing about? Why was Kurt singing a depressing as all hell song about being hunted and being afraid of someone? It wasn't until Kurt sang "raping me" that it dawned on Puck. _Shit_, Puck thought. _Shit, shit, SHIT. _Who could've done that to Kurt? Who could've raped him, hurt him like that? Was it someone he was related to? A random stranger? Why would anyone want to hurt a beautiful, wonderful boy like that? Maybe I'm reading too much into this. Maybe he's okay. But the look on his face told Puck another story altogether.

_Watching me, wanting me  
><em>_I can feel you pull me down  
><em>_Fearing you, loving you  
><em>_I won't let you pull me down_

Kurt finished his song, breathless. "Kurt," Puck looked up at him with emotion written all over his face. "Kurt." He stood up and embraced the countertenor, who'd begun to shake.

"He raped me," Kurt whispered in a raspy voice. "Karofsky, he raped me, Puck!"

"No," Puck hugged him tightly. "No, Kurt…please tell me it isn't true…"

"Twice," Kurt managed to choke out through his tremors. "_Twice_."

"Oh, God," Puck felt his eyes fill with tears. "I'm so freaking sorry, Kurt. If I'd known…I wouldn't have…"

Kurt clung on to Puck as if he was a life preserver in the middle of the ocean. "Noah, you can't tell anyone…you can't…I…"

Puck pulled back and looked Kurt in the eye. "No freaking way, man. You need help."

"Carole knows…and Santana…and Finn…" Kurt murmured.

"Wait," Puck rubbed his Mohawk. "You told _Finn_ before you told me?"

"I…I…" Kurt stuttered, feeling a panic attack coming on as Puck glared at him.

"And you told _Santana_ before you told me?" Puck looked like he'd been punched in the stomach. Carole, he could understand. She was Kurt's stepmother, and she had the right to know before he did. But _Santana_? That, Puck couldn't understand.

"I…Noah," Kurt tried to explain.

"Forget it, Kurt," Puck let go of him. "I can't believe you'd tell Santana before telling your own boyfriend."

"Why did you think I didn't want to tell you?" Kurt said, shaking in anger and hurt. "I didn't want you thinking I was _dirty_. That I wasn't _good_ enough for you. That you'd hate me for it, and…and leave me…leave me…"

"God, Kurt, why would you even _think_ that?" Puck looked confused and upset. "I love you, Kurt, and you can't…you don't…realize that." He shook his head and ran up the stairs before Kurt had the chance to see him cry.

"Noah, wait!" Kurt called out to him, but it was too late; he had already gone. Kurt fell to his knees, placing his forehead against the floor. "Please don't leave me," he said through the tears that now came. "Please…Noah…"

_The flames began to rise up again. And this time, Kurt didn't want to fight back. _


	5. Broken

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Broken.**

**Note: Again, I was going to update Finn & Kurt, but I honestly can't think of any wacky situations for them to get into. Drop me a message if you have any ideas! Anyway, I've outlined this entire story from this point until the end (yes, I know the ending already!), so I'm updating this now. Perfect song is perfect (go listen to it if you haven't, it's by Lifehouse). **

"Kurt?" Mr. Schuester asked as the countertenor stormed into the choir room the next day looking as if he'd recently been through hell.

"I don't want to talk about it," Kurt spat as he stomped over to his chair in the corner.

Mr. Schuester sighed. "Okay." Things had been going so well for Kurt, he'd thought, but apparently something was going wrong yet again.

"Kurt? Honey, what's wrong?" Rachel reached out for him. Kurt crossed his arms, moving away from her. Rachel looked stung. She shot a worried look towards her choir teacher.

"Hey, guys, sorry I'm late," Puck ran in the room. "I was busy working on a song."

"Oh, really?" Mr. Schue looked pleasantly surprised, relieved for the distraction from the obviously distressed Kurt. "Great. Can we hear it?"

"Yeah," Puck took out his guitar. "Look, I know you're upset, Kurt, but I really want you to listen to this. Okay? Please, just…listen to what I have to say to you."

_The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight  
><em>_Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time  
><em>_I am here still waiting, though I still have my doubts  
><em>_I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out_

So many doubts, Puck thought. Kurt doubts that I love him. He doubts that I care. But I do care. And I do love him. And I will wait until the end of time until he realizes it. I don't doubt that he loves me. I know that he loves me. And I'll wait until he feels better, until he has the courage to take on our relationship. He's damaged at best, and that's the only way I'll take him. I'll take him and fix him. I will.

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
><em>_With a broken heart that's still beating  
><em>_In the pain, there is healing  
><em>_In your name, I find meaning_

Kurt looked up sharply. You have a broken heart? he thought. _I_ have a broken heart. _I _am the one with a broken heart, the one who is barely breathing. God, Noah, it's not all about you. What about me? Do you not get that I was violated? Do you not get that I've been broken for months and months now, that I'll never be healed through all this pain? There _is_ no healing in the pain. How can you even say that? You just don't get it, Noah. Until you've been me for a day, you just…don't….get it.

_So I'm holding on  
><em>_I'm holding on  
><em>_I'm holding on  
><em>_I'm barely holding on to you_

Puck looked at Kurt, pleading him to just return his gaze. He was barely holding on to Kurt anymore. They had once been so strong, so powerful and electric together. And now…now, Puck wasn't sure how much longer he could hold on to this beautiful, wonderful boy. The honeymoon phase had been nice…so damn nice. But now, Puck felt like they were going through a painful divorce, and neither one of them wanted to be the first to say goodbye, to leave, to walk out the door.

_The broken locks were a warning, you got inside my head  
><em>_I tried my best to be guarded; I'm an open book instead  
><em>_I still see your reflection inside of my eyes  
><em>_That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life_

They had both tried to be guarded. Puck had never opened up to anyone in his life before Kurt. He barely even told Finn secrets, especially when he got Finn's girlfriend pregnant. But then Kurt came along and changed everything. And Kurt had confided in Mercedes before her untimely death, but even she never knew about Kurt's sexual and physical abuse. Santana was the only one that knew everything. Kurt's reflection was in Puck's eyes as he looked in the mirror every morning and every evening. They were always looking for life, Kurt's eyes. There were looking for a reason to stay, to be there.

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
><em>_With a broken heart that's still beating  
><em>_In the pain, is there healing?  
><em>_In your name, I find meaning_

Santana sighed. What was going on with Kurt? He had been so far along the road to recovery, and now she could see that he was having a setback. She knew those symptoms; the glazed, faraway look in the eyes, the tremors in the hands, the fact that he was distancing himself not only from his friends, but from his boyfriend…please, baby, don't relapse, she thought. The last thing she wanted was to see her closest friend spiral back down into that dark, deep hole that he was just climbing out of.

_So I'm holding on  
><em>_I'm holding on  
><em>_I'm holding on  
><em>_I'm barely holding on to you_

Mercedes…Mama…I couldn't hold on to them. And now, I can't hold on to Noah. He's the best thing that's happened to me in…in years…and now I feel him slipping through my fingers. God, Kurt thought, I'm so stupid. How could I ever have thought that a guy like Noah Puckerman could've ever loved me, could've ever cared about me enough to save my goddamn life and take me even though I'm a dirty whore. He's just falling away, and I'm not going to be able to get him back.

_I'm hanging on another day  
><em>_Just to see what you throw my way  
><em>_And I'm hanging on to the words you say  
><em>_You said that I will be okay_

What else, Puck thought, could Kurt Hummel possibly throw his way? He'd already tried to kill himself. He'd already confessed that he was in love with him. And Kurt had confessed, just last night, that he was a rape victim—by someone that Puck knew and saw in the hallways every single day. What else could Kurt confess to him? Every word he said felt like something to hold on to, something to pull him through. Please, Kurt, believe me when I say that you'll be okay. Believe me when I say that I care.

_The broken lights on the freeway  
><em>_Left me here alone  
><em>_I may have lost my way now  
><em>_Haven't forgotten my way home_

I've forgotten my way home. Where is home? It's not in that house, Santana thought. I can't go home. My own mother doesn't want me. And my father did nothing about it! Sure, he wasn't home at the time, but still…he could've come back for me…could've brought me home again. Santana was still living with Brittany, and while not complaining that she was living with one of her best friends, it still wasn't the same as being at her own house, especially since Brittany spent much of her time with Artie.

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
><em>_With a broken heart that's still beating  
><em>_In the pain, there is healing  
><em>_In your name, I find meaning_

Shutupshutupshutupshutup! Kurt wanted to scream. He couldn't deal with this anymore. He couldn't deal with Puck singing like this to him, looking as if he was about to cry in front of him, in front of everyone. He couldn't stand hearing these words fall so easily from Puck's mouth, to hear the chords fall from his guitar and hit his ears. He could feel Santana staring at him, to feel Rachel reaching out to him, imploring him to just listen to what the boy had to say.

_So I'm holding on  
><em>_I'm holding on  
><em>_I'm holding on  
><em>_I'm barely holding on to you_

Kurt stood up and ran out of the room, tears in his eyes, really not wanting to deal with it a second longer. He ran down the hall to the janitor's closet, closing it behind him, inhaling the smell of the harsh chemicals and cleaners lined along the shelves. Now…he need it now…he fumbled in his pockets, looking for matches, but finding none. Carole had thrown them all away when Kurt had been in the hospital. "Damnit," Kurt swore, knocking things over in his rage. He heard footsteps approach and retreated into the corner where he could hide and try to make himself invisible.

"Kurt, please, come out so we can talk," Puck called through the door. Kurt didn't dare to answer. "Kurt, please," Puck begged. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for…for anything I might have said or done to you within the last week…the last month…hell, even the last _year_. At least…open the door." No answer. "Well, I'm coming in, then," Puck twisted the knob to find that Kurt hadn't locked it.

"Go away," Kurt said, his breaths coming out shaky and uneven.

"No," Puck said. "I'm not going away. I just…Kurt, everything I said in that freaking song was true. It was all true, and I can't express…enough…how much I care."

"I need…please just…give me…time to _think_," Kurt pushed past his boyfriend, walking quickly out of the closet and heading down the hall.

But how much more time did he need?

How much longer would it be until Kurt crawled back into the hole that he had dug?

And most importantly…

_Would Puck still be there when he did?_


	6. Hello

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Hello. **

**Note: Just to warn you, I'm probably not updating any of my stories tomorrow, seeing as how it's my birthday tomorrow! Finally 18! And yes, the song is short, but it's effective, I think. Very "Kurt" (then again, I say that a lot…). As always, reviews are nice and are more than welcome.**

Kurt got in his car and drove to the cemetery in which his mother and Mercedes were buried. He needed their advice and words of encouragement to face this new situation with Puck that he found himself in. He needed to feel them there with him, beside him, talking to him gently. He parked at the front gates and walked in, shivering as he passed through the rows of headstones. God, what was he even doing here? Wasn't it morbid, being here with all of these dead people, none of them, save two, that he even knew? Was it wrong that he was feeling calm and at peace here? Was it wrong that he could breathe and feel safe within these gates, within these grounds?

Kurt walked along, touching some of the headstones. In the distance, he could hear the closing bell of the nearby Catholic school ring. Looking up, he could see the nimbus clouds rolling in, clouding up the sky—and his mind. He slowly walked towards the direction of his mother's grave, knowing that he'd cross hers before Mercedes'. He lifted his voice and began to sing a soft, plaintive melody.

_Playground school bell rings again  
><em>_Rainclouds come to play again  
><em>_Has no one told you she's not breathing?  
><em>_Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to  
><em>_Hello…_

Kurt ran his hands over the smooth gravestones. They felt so right beneath his fingers. He felt as if he could feel the spirits of the people buried there through his fingertips. He walked towards his mother's resting place, looking up at the approaching dark clouds. He knelt in front of her tombstone and traced over the oh-so-familiar words. Please, just come to me, mama. I need you…I need you…why'd you have to go?

_If I smile and don't believe  
><em>_Soon I know I'll wake from this dream  
><em>_Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken  
><em>_Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide  
><em>_Don't cry…_

Kurt managed to pry himself away from his mother's grave, knowing it wasn't healthy to be clinging on to it in the way that he was. He stood up slowly, backing away from it, and backing up into another headstone as he did. He paused, taking in a deep breath as he reached his hands behind him, gripping the headstone. He closed his eyes, not wanting to think about who was buried there or what their story was. Was it as tragic as his mothers', or Mercedes'? Was it a suicide, a cancer, an old age? Did anyone miss them after they died? Did they die alone, with no loved ones at their bedside?

_Suddenly, I know I'm not sleeping  
><em>_Hello, I'm still here  
><em>_All that's left of yesterday…_

He flung himself to the ground, releasing all of the emotion he'd been holding in. "Mom," he sobbed. "Mom, I need you so much right now! I…I just need…to talk to you…for you to listen and to hold me and tell me that it's going to be okay. N…Noah's trying, he really is, but…he…just doesn't get it. Mom, I…I never told you…what _he_ did to me. He _raped_ me, Mom. And…and I'm sorry I…never told you before…I wasn't strong enough to talk about it or even think about it, to deal with it, to…to…" he broke off. "To live with it," he said, stroking her headstone again. "Mama, I miss you…I love you…and I wish you'd never…never gone out that day…never went out in the car…never driven through that intersection…never _died_." The wind whipped through his hair as the skies grew even darker. "Mom!" Kurt yelled into the open area as a clap of thunder resounded. Kurt hugged her grave, sobbing, his tears falling upon the grass and dirt that surrounded him. "Mom…"

* * *

><p>"Noah…what's wrong with Kurt?" Rachel approached him.<p>

"I don't freakin' know, Rachel. Why don't you go ask him yourself?" Puck snapped, his back turned to her.

"No need to snap," Rachel said gently. "And I did ask him. He wouldn't answer me."

Puck whirled around. "Rachel, _please_…you don't _know_ what I've been through in the past twenty-four hours."

"Is Kurt hurt? Did you hurt him?" She demanded.

"Jesus, Rachel, no, I didn't hurt him! Okay? Karofsky is the one that freaking ra-" Puck cut himself off, not wanting to expose Kurt's biggest secret to McKinley's biggest blabbermouth.

Rachel's eyes widened. "No," she whispered.

"Forget it, Rachel," Puck walked away. "I've already done enough damage today."

"Kurt," Rachel murmured. "Kurt…"

* * *

><p>Kurt lay at the foot of his mother's grave, the tears still flowing down his face and landing sweetly on the grass. Matching raindrops were falling upon his body, soaking him to the skin, but he found himself not caring. Instead, he found himself strangely at peace, just him and his mother, alone at last. No one would bother him here, no one would come and pry him away and tell him that he was sick, that he should be sent back to Lima Mercy. No one could break this bond between mother and son, parent and child.<p>

Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken, he thought. I'm not broken at all. I don't need to be fixed, don't want to be fixed. I'm perfectly sane, perfectly fine. So what if he talked to his mind? His mind was someone to talk to, someone who he could tell all of his darkest secrets to and know that he wouldn't be judged.

Don't try to fix me…

To fix me…

To…

Fix…

Fix…

Try…

_Me._


	7. Unsung

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Unsung.**

**Note: I'll focus on Santana a bit more in this chapter. She hasn't really been around in this story so far; I've moved her to background character since she was so prominently involved in "Phoenix". Please keep reviewing!**

_If only I could get into the corner of your head  
><em>_Where things finally match and meet the standards that you set  
><em>_Oh, how I wish I was the treasure that you were looking for  
><em>_Bet I would fell better if only I could find the door_

"Kurt, where were you?" Burt demanded when Kurt walked through the door, his clothes soaked.

"Out," Kurt shrugged.

"In a massive rainstorm?" Burt raised his brows.

"I like the rain," Kurt shrugged again.

"You missed dinner," Burt narrowed his eyes. "What's up with you, Kurt?" Kurt avoided his gaze. "Did you have a fight with Puck?"

"I really, really don't want to talk about it, Dad."

"Okay, Kurt. Dinner's in the oven for you."

"I'm not hungry," Kurt tromped up the stairs to his room. He closed the door behind him and began stripping off his wet clothes. He looked down at his stomach to see the scars that he'd made months ago. "How could Noah Puckerman ever love a freak like me?" he muttered as he threw his clothes into the nearby hamper. "A scarred, dirty freak, that's all I am." He pawed through his sock drawer to find his secret stash; a book of matches that he'd bought the day before and stored away, hidden from his parents and Finn. His eyes lit up as he slowly struck a match, hoping no one was listening outside the door.

_I am crying  
><em>_You aren't trying  
><em>_I am melting away_

Kurt stared into the flames, loving the way they looked. The family had avoided using candles since Kurt had gotten home from rehab, and he hadn't seen a flame up close since the day he'd attempted to take his life. "So beautiful," he whispered, gazing into its depths. He lowered it to his arm, a familiar feeling spreading through him, warming him from the outside in. He let out a sigh of relief and pleasure as he felt it scorch his skin. A couple of moments later, he removed it, looking with pride upon the new mark he'd made on his pale flesh. There was a knock on the door, and Kurt hurriedly blew out the flame, hiding the matches under his math book. "I'm in my underwear," he warned.

"It's me," he heard Finn call. "Dude…can I come in?"

"Just a sec," Kurt's eyes darted around the room. Couldn't very well have his stepbrother walk in on him practically naked, or risk seeing the new red mark on his arm. Kurt grabbed his bathrobe from where it hung on his closet door, tying it around him. "Okay," he called.

Finn walked in. "Kurt, why'd you run out of Glee today?"

_I wait for the words on the tip of your tongue  
><em>_I'm only as good as the last one  
><em>_Well you decide, and I abide  
><em>_As my song goes unsung_

"None of your business," Kurt sat on top of the trunk at the end of his bed.

"Well, I think it's my business, because you're my stepbrother, and you seemed really upset back there."

"Wow, Finn, you're so observant!" Kurt said sarcastically.

Finn closed the door to Kurt's room, going over and kneeling down so that he was eye-level with his brother. "Cut the bullshit, Kurt," he said in a low, scary voice.

Kurt's eyes widened. "Whatever do you mean?" he asked innocently.

"You know exactly what I mean," Finn said.

"I'm pretty sure I don't."

"I found those matches in your sock drawer," Finn hissed.

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about," Kurt rolled his eyes. "And why were you in my sock drawer anyway?"

"I was looking for a clean pair of socks," Finn said lamely. Kurt shot him a Look. "Okay, so Mom wanted me to spy on you," Finn admitted, blushing a little.

"What?" Kurt glared at him. "She wanted to you _spy_ on me?"

"It's not that she doesn't trust you," Finn said in a rush. "But…she just doesn't want to lose you again. None of us do. Puck doesn't, and I don't, and…"

"Ugh, don't mention that name," Kurt muttered.

Finn looked confused. "Puck? Why not? What's going on with you two, anyway?"

_Things are going crazy, and I'm not sure who to blame  
><em>_Everything is changing and I do not feel the same  
><em>_I'm slipping through the cracks of floors I thought that were strong  
><em>_I'm trying to find a place where I can feel like I belong_

"I don't know," Kurt whispered. "We were doing…okay…until…"

"Did you tell him?" Finn asked, reading the look on Kurt's face. Kurt looked away, not wanting to answer that question. He didn't have to; Finn knew right away. "Oh, God. How'd he take it?"

"We had a fight," Kurt said quietly. "That's why he sang to me today, I think. And…I couldn't handle it…I'm not broken…why would he sing that to me?"

Finn shrugged. "I think he was just trying to let you know that he's there for you and that he really does care about you."

"How do you know that?" Kurt forced himself to look at his stepbrother for the truth.

"He was always talking about you, when you were…you know. Away. I mean, I was the first one he told about him being…gay."

Kurt frowned. "I wasn't the first to know?"

"No," Finn looked down at his hands, which he was fumbling. "He, um, he told me before he told you. It kind of slipped out…it was a heated discussion…he told me that he was in love with you. And then later, we got to talking about it, and he, um, he asked me if he could ask you out…wanted my approval, I guess, 'cause I'm your brother and all…"

"And you approved?" Kurt raised an eyebrow.

"Obviously," Finn said, "seeing as how you're together."

"But…why? Quinn cheated on you with him…so did Rachel…didn't you ever stop and think, for once, that he was going to hurt _me_, too?"

_Well, I am crying  
><em>_You aren't trying  
><em>_I am melting away_

"Of course I thought about that," Finn said, trying not to stare at the scars on his brother's hands. "Believe me, Kurt, the last thing I'd want is to see you get hurt."

"If you didn't want me to get hurt, you would've never approved of Puck asking me out," Kurt spat. "Because I _am_ hurt, Finn."

"Puck didn't hurt you. Karofsky did," Finn reminded him.

"Yes, and Puck hurt me, too," Kurt said angrily.

"How?"

"Finn, if all you came here to do is play Twenty Questions, you can leave," Kurt stood up, tightening the robe around him.

"Why're you wearing that robe?"

"I'm in my _underwear_, you perv," Kurt stuck his tongue out at Finn.

"Prove it," Finn demanded.

"N…no," Kurt stammered, folding his arms across his chest.

"Why not?" Finn advanced towards him. "Got something to hide, Kurt?"

"Finn, you're scaring me," Kurt backed up, running into his vanity.

"Well, you're scaring _me_," Finn took another step towards his brother. "Now, take off your robe."

"No!" Kurt yelled, perhaps a little too loud.

"Is everything okay up there?" Carole called up the stairs.

"Fine," Kurt called back breathlessly.

"Take off your robe," Finn said slowly.

"Fuck you, Finn," Kurt kneed his brother in the groin before storming out of the room and locking himself in the bathroom, turning on the shower full-blast before beginning to scream.

_I wait for the words on the tip of your tongue  
><em>_I'm only as good as the last one  
><em>_Well you decide, and I abide  
><em>_As my song goes unsung_

"So he just ran out of the room? Just like that?"

Santana nodded. "Right after Puck sang him a ballad and everything."

"Wow," Tallulah looked surprised. "That doesn't sound like Kurt."

"Well, he's done it before," Santana told her girlfriend of three months. "But…not since…" Tallulah nodded, understanding. "I'm just worried about him," Santana admitted.

"Well, have you tried talking to him?"

Santana shook her head. "He won't talk to anyone…doesn't help that I'm not living with him anymore. I have an idea about what happened, though."

"And what is that, my love?" Tallulah intertwined their hands.

"I think he may have told Puck about what happened to him," Santana said softly.

"You mean…?"

"Yeah. The rapes," Santana sniffled, feeling tears come to her eyes for her friend. "And if Puck knows…if he knows about what happened to Kurt…" she trailed off. "Who knows what it could mean for them? He could try to fix Kurt just as easily as he could abandon him. And that's what I'm afraid of most…Kurt being abandoned and spiraling back down again."

_If only I could be the lesson that you learn, you learn  
><em>_If only I could be the last one that love burns, it burns  
><em>_If only I could be the lesson that you learn, you learn  
><em>_If only I could be the last one that love burns, it burns_

Kurt rocked back and forth on the floor, the shower going full-blast still, steam flooding the room and impairing his vision. Everything seemed to be in even more of a haze than it already was. Sighing, he shed his robe and his boxers, leaving them in a pile. He stood up slowly and climbed into the shower, feeling quite sluggish. He let the scalding hot water hit his skin, and it felt delicious. He sighed as it cascaded over him, burning him sweetly. He looked down to see his skin turning red, and sighed with content. "Yes," he whispered. This was one way he could feel the wonderful sensation of being burned and not have anyone know. It didn't involve fire; just scalding water and a locked bathroom door. He let it scorch his back, his stomach, his chest, his legs. He turned around and around, letting it hit every inch of his body. Finally, he let the last few drops of burning hot water hit his crotch, hitting the very thing that he hated. He turned off the water, not wanting it to end. Kurt got out of the shower, pulling a towel around him, drying himself off slowly, rubbing his body down, admiring how red his skin looked now.

_If only I could get into that corner of your head  
><em>_Where things finally match and meet the standards that you set  
><em>_Oh, how I wish I was the treasure that you were looking for  
><em>_Bet I would feel better if only I could find the door_

Kurt, wrapping a towel around himself like a dress, scooped up his robe and boxers, and retreated to his room, not stopping for anything. He quickly locked the door, letting the towel fall to his feet, standing naked in his room. He threw his underwear in the laundry hamper and hung up his robe. Sighing, he opened his closet door to look in the full-length mirror that hung on the back of it. He closed his eyes at first, not wanting to see what was there. He counted to three, took a deep breath, and opened his eyes. He gasped at how red his skin still was, at how many scars littered his arms and stomach. "My face may be ugly," he murmured. "But my scars are beautiful."

_Well, I am crying  
><em>_You aren't trying  
><em>_And I am melting away_

Kurt forced himself to close the door, to stop looking in the mirror. He pulled on a pair of pajamas, crawling into bed. Now that Finn knew about what was going on with Puck, and now that he had blackmail against Kurt…what would happen? Kurt was suddenly terrified that Finn would tell his dad and Carole about finding the matches in his drawer. He hoped that Finn wouldn't just betray his own stepbrother like that…God knows he did it already in the past…Kurt shook his head, turning out the light. He'd had a long day, and this Finn situation was just another thing to worry about. He sighed, turning over to stare at the wall that his window was on. He could see the moonlight shine through his blinds, washing over his face. Slowly, Kurt closed his eyes to sink into a deep, dreamless sleep.

_I wait for the words on the tip of your tongue  
><em>_I'm only as good as the last one  
><em>_Well you decide, and I abide  
><em>_As my song goes unsung_


	8. Don't Forget

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Don't Forget.**

**Note: More drama ahead! Just read to see what happens. And keep reviewing! We're almost half-way through this part in the series (an estimated 18 chapters), and at this point, I'm just striving for 50 reviews. Thanks, fans.**

When Kurt awoke the next morning, he knew what he had to do. He knew he had to talk to Puck, in private, that night. It was a Saturday, so Kurt sent a quick text to his boyfriend, asking if he would come over that night for dinner and a movie. Puck, naturally, said that there was nothing more he would love other than to spend time with Kurt. Kurt paced his small bedroom, wondering how he was going to tell Puck what he had to tell him. He considered for half a second about asking Finn for his advice, but then remembered what had transpired between them the night before, and decided against it. He wished his mother and best friend were still alive to talk to. He thought about it all day, occasionally stopping to scribble some notes down, only to crumple them up five minutes later and toss them in the trash bin. Finally, he had it, and just in time, for the doorbell was ringing.

"Kurt? Noah's here," Carole called up to him.

"Be down in a minute," he called back softly. He could hear his stepmother talking to his boyfriend down in the living room.

"Yeah," he could hear Puck say. "I've been trying to, you know, help him the best I can."

"Thank you, Noah. We really appreciate you being there for him."

Kurt took a deep breath and went down the stairs, one step at a time. "Hi," he breathed.

"Hi," Puck grinned at him.

"The basement…I ordered pizza…you mind?" Kurt said, feeling disconnected not only with his words, but with his mind.

"Sweet," Puck reached for him. Kurt edged away. "Sorry," Puck mumbled.

"Let's just go," Kurt walked towards the basement steps, not wanting to do this.

* * *

><p>"What's up with you?" Puck asked the blue-eyed boy. "You've barely said a word all evening. You won't kiss me, you won't let me cuddle with you…what's wrong?"<p>

"Noah…God…I…" Kurt broke off. "I love you, I do, but…"

"But what?" Puck moved to gently caress Kurt's face, but Kurt pulled away, not letting him. "Babe…what is it? Is it something I said? Something I did? Please, just tell me."

"I've been looking for the words I want to say to you all day…and it took me hours…but I finally found them…in song…I think it will…help me to say…what I need to say to you. Please, Noah, just…listen to what I'm about to say…sing…to you. Just…listen." Puck nodded. Kurt took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and began to sing.

_Did you forget that I was even alive?  
>Did you forget everything we ever had?<br>Did you forget?  
><em>_Did you forget about me?_

Puck looked at Kurt in confusion. He wasn't sure where Kurt was going with this. He sure hadn't forgotten that Kurt was alive—how could he? And what did he mean by "everything we ever had"? They had only been dating for three, almost four, months, but that didn't mean much. Sure, their relationship was not like how it was when they started out…maybe that's where Kurt was headed with this. Puck still didn't understand what Kurt meant by "have you forgotten about me?". He shook his head, telling Kurt that no, he hadn't forgotten about him. He hadn't forgotten at all.

_Did you regret ever standing by my side?  
>Did you forget what we were feeling inside?<br>Now I'm left to forget  
><em>_About us_

Puck didn't regret it. He'd never regretted it. He'd loved every moment that he'd ever stood by Kurt's side. Sure, he hadn't always done it. In fact, he used to be one of those punks that harassed Kurt. Puck would admit—although he didn't like it—that he used to throw Kurt in Dumpsters and toss him against lockers. But things had changed, and now Puck was the one defending him, saving him. He also couldn't forget what they were feeling inside. He loved Kurt, always had and always would. Sure, their relationship was frustrating, but not any more frustrating than any other teenage relationship. He became more and more worried about his boyfriend as he tried to read Kurt's emotionless face.

_But somewhere, we went wrong  
><em>_We were once so strong  
><em>_Our love is like a song  
><em>_You can't forget it_

Kurt got off the couch on which they were sitting and walked to stand and face the blank wall. He shuddered, not wanting to face Puck, not wanting to sing this song to him. He blinked back the tears forming in his eyes. He could hear Puck rise, walking up behind him. Suddenly, Puck's hand was on his shoulder. Kurt pulled away once again. Puck looked hurt. Where did they go wrong? he thought. What the hell does Kurt mean by all of this? Why won't he let me touch him? He stood inches away from Kurt, wishing he could see the expression on Kurt's face, but the younger boy wouldn't let him.

_So now I guess this is where we have to stand  
><em>_Did you regret ever holding my hand?  
>Never again, please don't forget<br>__Don't forget_

Kurt wanted desperately to look over his shoulder to see Puck's reaction, but dared not to, because if he did, he was sure that he would really be unable to do what he knew he had to. Kurt didn't regret ever holding Puck's hand, but he had to wonder if Puck had ever regretting taking Kurt's small, soft hands in his own large, rough ones. Kurt turned and took a few steps down the room, keeping his back turned to his boyfriend. He could feel the tension in the room, could feel the ever-growing distance between the two boys.

_We had it all; we were just about to fall  
><em>_Even more in love than we were before  
><em>_I won't forget, I won't forget  
><em>_About us_

Puck shook his head, more confused than he ever had been in his relationship with the glee club's countertenor. _Just_ about to fall even more in love? Puck didn't think it to be possible. He didn't think he could love Kurt any more than he already did. He tried to reach out for the smaller boy again, put pulled himself back, not wanting to push things. It was clear that Kurt was already very, very upset, and Puck did not want to make things worse. Please, baby, I love you…can't you see that? Can't you understand?

_But somewhere, we went wrong  
><em>_We were once so strong  
><em>_Our love is like a song  
><em>_You can't forget it_

"Noah," Kurt broke off in the middle of his song. "I…I'm so sorry," he choked out, turning around to face the baritenor. "But…I want to…end this."

"What?" Puck felt his stomach turn to ice. "You want to…_end_ this?"

"Noah, please, please just listen…I…I love you, but I…I can't handle this relationship…it's too much, and I'm scared, and…please…I'm so sorry…Noah…"

"I can't freaking believe you would do this to me!" Puck yelled, not caring that tears were streaming openly down his face. "God, Kurt, I thought you were different. I guess not." He stomped towards the couch to get his leather jacket before heading towards the stairs, shaking with rage and hurt.

"Noah, wait!" Kurt called after him. Shaking for an entirely different reason, he followed Puck up the stairs, beginning to sing again.

_Somewhere, we went wrong  
><em>_We were once so strong  
><em>_Our love is like a song  
><em>_You can't forget it at all_

Puck shook his head, pushing Kurt away as Kurt tried to reach out for him in a near-recreation of what had happened previously, only this time, the roles were reversed, and Puck was the one pulling away from Kurt, and Kurt was the one reaching for something that wasn't there. Puck opened the back door and slammed it as he walked out. Kurt immediately flung the door open, shivering fiercely against the night air as he watched his now ex-boyfriend storm down the driveway, get into his truck, and drive away, tires squealing as he took off down the darkened street. Kurt slid down against the door, landing with a soft thump on the top step, curling up into a ball as he did so.

_And at last, all the pictures have been burned  
><em>_And all the past is just a lesson that we've learned  
><em>_I won't forget  
><em>_Please don't forget us_

Kurt shook his head, not wanting to think about it…about all of it…he had just let go of the best thing that had ever happened to him, and now he was regretting it like hell. But he couldn't go back now, couldn't run after Puck and make him stay. At the same time, he couldn't bring himself to burn the pictures…not that there were very many, but the few that he did have, he could not set the flames to. He thought he'd learned all that he had to learn back on the highest floor of Lima Mercy Hospital, but he hadn't. The biggest lessons were just around the bend, he thought, and I have to find the solutions to all of them. I have to learn to not hurt the others around me, to hurt the ones I love just to protect myself. I have to learn how to make this work…I'll get Noah back…even if it kills me.

_But somewhere, we went wrong  
><em>_Our love is like a song  
><em>_But you won't sing along  
><em>_You've forgotten about us  
><em>_Don't forget…_


	9. Like You

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Like You.**

**Note: I'll be the first to admit it: I kind of have an obsession with Kurt singing Evanescence songs. But this one…it was just too perfect (again)! I know you're all upset about the Koah breakup, but no fears, it'll all work out soon enough. Let's just get this depressing chapter started (that's a warning). As always, review.**

**Note: Kurt is actually singing this song, if it is unclear. **

**WARNING: If you have ANY aversion to cutting or sensitivity to the subject, I suggest avoiding this chapter and just waiting for the next one. **

Kurt walked in to his dad and Carole's room to find his father sitting on the bed, crying. "What's wrong?" Kurt asked worriedly. It had been only a day since he and Puck broke up, and the pain was greater than it was last night as Kurt began to deal with the consequences of what had happened. "Dad? Why are you crying?" Kurt snuck a look at the calendar; nope, it wasn't the anniversary of his mother's death, or their wedding anniversary, or even her birthday. Kurt's heart thudded. "Is someone dead?"

"Sit down, son," Burt said warily. "It's about time I told you."

Kurt sat down next to his father. "Told me what?"

"Your mother and I," Burt said. "We had…another child…before you. A girl. We were so…so ecstatic. She was a beautiful little girl, looked just like your mother, I swear."

Kurt paused. "What happened to her?"

Burt sighed heavily. "She had…heart problems, Kurt. She died when she was just two years old." A sob escaped his throat. "And today…today, she would've been twenty-one," Burt said, tears running down his face in mourning.

"What was her name?" Kurt whispered, trying to process the fact that he had a sister that he'd never met, who, like all the people he seemed to be close to, died tragically, too young.

"Grace," Burt said. "Her name was Grace. She's…she's buried near your mom."

Kurt shook his head. "Why…why didn't you tell me this before?"

"I don't know, Kurt…I guess I never thought to…when we got pregnant with you, and when it seemed that you were a healthy, happy baby…I thought, just maybe…"

"That you could forget about her?" Kurt's eyes went cold. "That you could replace her with me?"

"Don't talk like that, Kurt. It wasn't like that."

"Then what was it like?" Kurt stood up angrily. "You…you thought it was just okay to 'forget' to tell me about my _dead sister_?"

"Don't you use that tone with me, young man," Burt warned. "I don't like it."

"I hate you," Kurt shook with hurt and rage. "I hate you!" He ran down the stairs and out the door once more.

"Kurt Jeffery Hummel," he could hear his dad yell after him. "You get back here!" Kurt didn't listen; he just jumped in his car, jammed the key in ignition, and sped off down the street. He didn't stop driving until he got to the cemetery, still shaking. He slid out of the car, slamming the door behind him. "Fuck them all," he muttered, walking quickly onto the hallowed grounds.

_Stay low, soft, dark and dreamless  
><em>_Far beneath my nightmares and loneliness  
><em>_I hate me for breathing without you  
><em>_I don't want to feel anymore for you_

Kurt didn't want to feel any longer for any of the people that had left him. His mother, Mercedes…Puck…even his sister, although he never knew her. Kurt had barely slept a wink last night. Between mourning his lost love with Puck and the most intense nightmares he'd had in months, he'd stayed awake for hours, rotating between crying and screaming in his sleep until he woke up in fear from the horrible, horrible dreams. He had never felt more alone in his life. His mother had left him, and his best friend, not to mention his one and only lover. The loneliness was overwhelming to him, and he didn't want to go on living if they weren't.

_Grieving for you  
><em>_I'm not grieving for you  
><em>_Nothing real love can't undo  
><em>_And though I may have lost my way, all paths lead straight to you_

All paths led back to his mother. No matter what, it always came down to his mother. Kurt supposed he couldn't really blame her for not telling him about Grace. After all, he'd only been eight when she died. He didn't really understand death then, so how could he understand it before that, at six or seven? Besides, telling a six-year old that they have a dead sister isn't exactly a happy childhood, he surmised. Still…and if Grace was buried here, Kurt thought…why did I never notice it before? Why didn't I see her here?

_I long to be like you  
><em>_Lie cold in the ground like you…_

More than anything, Kurt wished he could be dead. He wished he'd gotten away with trying to kill himself all those months ago. Things seemed worse now, even worse than they had before. He hadn't told anyone, but since he arrived back at McKinley, Karofsky was out to get him just as much as before. There had been a few incidents here and there, incidents that not even Finn or Santana knew about, and Kurt had "accidentally" forgotten to report them, like he'd been taught to do whilst on the psychiatric ward. Now with his best friend out of the picture, and with his mother still dead, and with a lover that seemed to love him no longer, topped off with a father that had lied to him for nearly seventeen years, not to mention a bully that was constantly abusing him, Kurt Hummel thought his life couldn't possibly get any more miserable than this.

_Halo, blinding wall between us  
><em>_Melt away and leave us alone again  
><em>_The humming, haunted something out there  
><em>_I believe our love can see us through in death_

It will be like "Romeo and Juliet", Kurt thought. Two lovers, never meant to be together, only to be parted by death. And even in death, they love each other. I'll always love Noah Puckerman, goddamnit, even if he'll never love me again. Kurt shuddered, remembering the way Puck had left the night before, speeding down his driveway like he never wanted anything to do with him again. Maybe, Kurt thought deliciously, sinfully, if I take my life, Noah will remember just how much he loves me, and he'll join me in death. We'll be together forever, and no one can say anything about it. Best of all, I'll be with Mama and Mercedes again…not to mention, I'd finally meet Grace. I can be buried here, right alongside them, he thought as he walked along his mother's gravesite. He parted the weeds to find an inscription on a small rock near where his mother was; it was no wonder he hadn't seen it before, it was so tiny. _Grace Elizabeth Hummel. 1990-1992,_ it said.

_I long to be like you  
><em>_Lie cold in the ground like you  
><em>_There's room inside for two, and I'm not grieving for you  
><em>_I'm coming for you_

Kurt wished he could dig through all the layers of earth that separated him from his mother. He wanted to pry open her coffin, find her preserved in time (although he knew this fantasy was irrational, as her body would be decaying by now), and to lay with her, telling her everything that had happened to him in the past eight, almost nine, years. He wanted to feel her arms around him, to hear her voice telling him it was all going to be okay, that Puck was coming back for him and that Karofsky would fall off a cliff. But Kurt couldn't do it. Even if he had a shovel, he wasn't one for violating cemetery grounds like that, especially not his mother's burial site. He wished he knew what Grace had looked like. He tried to imagine a younger version of his mother, but couldn't. He wondered what Grace would look like today, if she'd be there for him, if she'd love him just as a big sister should.

_You're not alone  
><em>_No matter what they told you, you're not alone  
><em>_I'll be right beside you forevermore_

Kurt looked in the distance, towards where he knew Mercedes was buried. It seemed like every time he came to visit her, he got distracted by his mother, and never made it to her grave. He felt bad for a moment, and then was churned by sudden rage. Mercedes had never done a damn thing to protect him. She had stuck up for him a few times, but was never enough. Karofsky always swore that he'd never hit a girl, so he pretty much left Kurt alone when she was around him, but as soon as she left, he would creep around the corner to shove Kurt into a locker or grope him, leaving Kurt to spurn his best friend. Sure, Mercedes was a great shopping partner, but…she never helped him with anything else. Kurt had tried to reach out to her before, but she never seemed to listen. He shook his head, flipping the bird in her general direction, turning back towards his family.

_I long to be like you, sis  
><em>_Lie cold in the ground like you did  
><em>_There's room inside for two, and I'm not grieving for you_

God, I wish I had gotten to know you, Kurt knelt to touch his sister's rock. He ran his fingers over it, trying to conjure up an image of her, anything he could get, but he found and felt nothing. He wanted so much to know his sister, his only sister, even if she was dead a full year before she was alive. Kurt did some quick calculations in his head and deduced that his mother had already been pregnant with him when Grace had died. He had known her…almost known her…if only he had been born earlier…if only she had lived just a year or two longer…if only…if only…Kurt was sick of playing the "what if" game.

_And as we lay in silent bliss  
><em>_I know you remember me…_

Mama, you remember me, don't you? Your little Kurtie? Your son, your one and only baby boy? The survivor of your children? The one who won't be surviving for much longer? God, Mama, I love you so much. I can't stand this—being apart from you—a second more. You were the only one that ever really understood me, the only one, it seemed, cared at times. I can't wait to lay with you again, to be beside you, and Grace, and have people visit me every once in a while, when they can be bothered to remember me. I can't wait to be in silence forever, to end the nightmares and the terror that awaits me every damn day at school. I can't wait to see you again…Mama…

_I long to be like you  
><em>_Lie cold in the ground like you  
><em>_There's room inside for two, and I'm not grieving for you  
><em>_I'm coming for you…_

Kurt took a razor out of his jacket pocket, one that he'd nicked from his father's supply, keeping it in his jacket, just in case it ever came to this. He sat cross-legged on the ground. "I'm coming, Mama," he whispered, closing his eyes. He pressed the razor blade to his wrist, pushing hard and dragging it down, making a nice, deep slice down the length of his arm. He gasped in pain as the blood poured out of him. It was on a different level than the burning ever had been; instead of the pain bubbling up inside his skin, it was flowing out of his skin. He began to feel a little lightheaded, but enjoyed the sensation. He suddenly knew how Santana felt as she cut; to watch the blood spill out was a thrill like no other. Adrenaline coursed through his veins as he made another cut on his other wrist, not as deep as the first, as he was feeling much weaker now, and besides, he was right handed, and he blade was now in his left hand. He closed the razor around his hand, feeling how it was warm and slick with his blood. The world became fuzzy he could hear voices calling his name. He looked around blearily, his vision unfocused.

"Kurt? Kurt!" A blonde figure ran towards him. He didn't have the time to react, nor the time to see who it was. He blinked slowly once, twice, before falling onto his back, blood still flowing steadily out of him, as his vision went black, and he knew nothing.


	10. Fix You

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Fix You.**

**Note: Thanks to the reviewer (I cannot recall your name right now, I'm so sorry) that suggested I use this song. I like it much better than the one I was going to use here. I know you're all wondering who this mysterious blonde figure is…well, you're about to find out. As usual, reviews are quite nice. **

Kurt woke up, half-expecting to find himself in Hell, or else in Purgatory, before remembering that he didn't believe in either such place. He blinked against the harsh florescent lights. "Where am I?" he groaned, expecting to find some demon leering down at him.

"You're in the hospital, Kurt," a soft voice said from next to him. "Thank God, you're awake."

Kurt struggled to sit up and turn towards the source of the voice, suddenly aware that there was an IV line in his arm. "Ugh," he flopped back down against the pillows. A pale, soft hand closed over his own. Kurt looked down at it, then looked up at the person who belonged to it. "Quinn?"

"Hi," she whispered.

"What…what are you doing here?" Kurt blinked at her confusedly.

"Kurt…I was in the cemetery…when you tried to…" she broke off, brushing her hair back from her face. "I was visiting my grandfather, when I heard someone singing in the distance. I walked towards it, seeing that it was you. I thought nothing of it, and started walking away, when I heard you cry out in pain. That's when I saw all the blood pouring out of your arm…" she broke off again, trying to collect herself. "And I panicked. You'd passed out by the time I reached out, so I called 911, and…and…oh, God, I was so scared…you lost so much blood, Kurt, it's a wonder you're still alive…why?"

"Why what?" Kurt's head began to uncloud as he looked up at the girl who had saved his life.

"Why did you try to kill yourself?" Quinn whispered, grasping his hand.

"You wouldn't understand," Kurt stared off into the distance, not noticing the tear slide down her cheek.

"I can try," Quinn reached out to turn his face towards him. "Does it have to do with Puck?" Kurt stiffened. "I know how he can be," Quinn reminded him. "But…no guy or girl is worth killing yourself over, Kurt. Don't you know how many people you would've hurt…if you'd died?"

"No," Kurt shook his head, casting his eyes downward to the stitches that ran up the length of his arm. "I don't know. Puck wouldn't have cared, or…or anyone else in Glee..."

Quinn shook her head. "I would've cared. Kurt, I know we haven't always gotten along…but you were one of the only people that didn't judge me when I was pregnant. You even took me shopping for maternity clothes. I'll never forget how kind and generous you were."

Another figure walked over, and this time, Kurt could see them clearly. "Sam?"

"I, um, I drove here when I heard the news," the blonde boy shoved his hand in his pockets. "You know how Quinn dumped Finn and Santana and I broke up? Well…Quinn and I got back together," he said, blushing a little. "Anyway, she and I…we wanted to do something for you."

"Why?" Kurt made a face.

"To help you," Quinn said as Sam put a hand on her shoulder. "To show you that someone—two someone's-care about you." Sam pulled out his guitar. "Please listen to what we have to say, Kurt," Quinn begged him gently. "Please…" Sam began to play a lovely melody as Quinn lifted her soprano voice to sing softly.

_When you try your best, but don't succeed  
><em>_When you get what you want, but not what you need  
><em>_When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep  
><em>_Stuck in reverse_

Kurt shook his head. Why are they singing to me? Why do they care? Why isn't No…Kurt forced himself to stop thinking about Puck. I never succeed. I never get what I want or what I need. I need someone to love me the way I am and not leave me. I need someone to hold me and tell me it's going to be okay. Someone who would've actually let me take my life today. I'm so tired…just let me sleep, guys. Just let me sleep forever.

_And the tears come streaming down your face  
><em>_When you lose something you can't replace  
><em>_When you love something, but it goes to waste  
><em>_Could it be worse?_

Of course it could be worse. You could be me, Kurt thought. Of course he was empathetic towards Quinn. How could he not be? She had gotten pregnant in high school, after all. Pregnant by…Kurt closed his eyes briefly, not wanting to think about the fact that the person he loved most in the world had a child, a baby girl with Quinn Fabray, a baby that they'd given up…that Quinn had given up. Still, he thought with disdain, it could be worse. You could lose the people you love to death. You could go through the hell I've been through in the past six months. You could've been raped more times than you want to count.

_Lights will guide you home  
><em>_And ignite your bones  
><em>_And I will try to fix you_

Why do they all want to fix me? Can't they see that I can't be fixed? Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken…not broken…Kurt looked down at his arm again, at the criss-cross stitches up and down his arm. He looked up at the IV that was seeping into his veins, seeing, on closer glance, that it was full of blood; a blood transfusion. Ugh, he thought, looking at the stitches once more. That was gonna leave one hell of a scar, a bigger one than he'd ever made before, one that would always, always be there to remind him.

_And high up above or down below  
><em>_When you're too in love to let it go  
><em>_But if you never try, you'll never know  
><em>_Just what you're worth_

Kurt was too in love with Puck. He was so in love, and he couldn't let it go. Kurt was head-over-heels-over head again, and no matter how much he willed himself to forget about Puck, to pretend that the Mohawked boy had never taken him in his arms and told him that he loved him, he couldn't. The memory was already burned into his soul, into Kurt's skin. He didn't know what he was worth. They'd tried to show him, but he reused to look and to listen to them. Quinn and Sam were trying it right now, and Kurt was staring off into the distance, barely listening to them as they tried to ground him.

_Lights will guide you home  
><em>_And ignite your bones  
><em>_And I will try to fix you_

Quinn shot Sam a worried glance as he plucked the strings of his guitar. Kurt clearly was choosing not to listen to them. Quinn sighed. Didn't he see how much they cared for him? She could've left him there to die…but that was not in Quinn Fabray's body, to ignore people in need, even people like Kurt who clearly were very, very disturbed. She hoped Puck would arrive soon; she'd called him as soon as she knew Kurt was going to survive.

"Puck? Kurt's in the hospital…he just tried to…kill himself…"

"I'll be right there," he'd hung up, leaving her to wonder.

_Tears stream down your face  
><em>_When you lose something you cannot replace  
><em>_Tears stream down on your face  
><em>_And I…_

Kurt couldn't replace his mother, although Carole had tried to. As much as Kurt loved Carole, she was not his mother, and never would be. She was Finn's mother, and always would be. Finn could not, Kurt could now see, replace the sibling he never had. How Kurt wished Grace had survived…he'd always wanted a sister, not a brother. He couldn't replace her, either, nor could he replace his friends that had left him, nor could he ever, ever replace Noah Puckerman. Noah Puckerman was irreplaceable.

_Tears stream down your face  
><em>_I promise you I will learn from my mistakes  
><em>_Tears stream down on your face  
><em>_And I…_

What mistakes? The only mistake that Quinn could've learned from was Beth. And why would she promise me that? Kurt shook his head, not wanting to look at her or at Sam. Maybe she'd intended those lyrics for him. In that case, Kurt did not want to learn from his mistakes. Kurt wanted to keep making them, over and over again, until finally he succeeded—and by succeed, he meant died. He wouldn't stop until he was gone from this Earth.

_Lights will guide you home  
><em>_And ignite your bones  
><em>_And I will try to fix you_

"Kurt," Puck came running in to the room. "Oh, God, you're alive," he ran to Kurt's bedside. "I was so scared…so scared…when Quinn called me, I thought…" he choked out a sob. "I thought you were dead, Kurt…don't ever scare me like that again!"

"Noah," Kurt rasped. "You care."

"Of course I care," Puck whispered. "I know I ran out on you yesterday, but…you have to understand…you _hurt_ me, Kurt. I thought _you _didn't care about _me_."

"I do care," Kurt murmured. "More than anything, I care about you."

"Well leave you alone," Sam started to lead Quinn out of the room, slinging his guitar over his back.

"Thanks for…" Puck nodded at Quinn.

"Of course," she said quietly. "I'd do anything for a friend."

Puck turned his attention back to Kurt. "Babe…why?"

Kurt forced out a laugh. "Like I haven't been asked that already today. My dad apparently 'forgot' to mention that I have a dead sister, that's all. Oh, and my mother's dead, my best friend is dead, my other best friend has been ignoring me for her girlfriend, and I was forced to break up with my boyfriend because this kid at school keeps harassing the fuck out of me and I couldn't take it anymore."

"Wait," Puck held up a hand. "Back up to the dead sister part."

Kurt sighed. "Apparently, I had a sister. She died before I was even born, of a heart condition. She would've been like, twenty today or whatever, and my dad never mentioned it to me before."

Puck winced. "I'm so sorry…what was her name?"

"Grace," Kurt whispered. "Her name was Grace. She was two."

"God, Kurt," Puck squeezed his hand. "I'm so freaking sorry…I should've never…I should've been gentler with you, not tried to get you to go…further. And as for Karofsky…I should've protected you more…I failed you as a boyfriend. Kurt…when I got that call from Quinn earlier…I was so scared…I love you so much, and I have to hear that you've tried to kill yourself…"

Kurt flinched, but then softened. "You still love me?"

"Of course I do," Puck leaned in and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

"Scars and all?"

Puck nodded. "Scars and all. Promise me…you'll _never_ attempt something like this…_ever again_."

Kurt swallowed. "I promise," he said finally. "I love you, too."


	11. Bless the Broken Road

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Bless the Broken Road.**

**Note: You guys are lucky that you're getting two chapters back to back. I was going to update Oh Simple Thing, but I have only seven more chapters, plus an Epilogue, left of this, so I'm just getting it over now. Anyway, let's just do this thing; please review. **

**Note: Shorter chapter, I know, but I'm posting the first chapter of a NEW Puck/Kurt story tonight, so you have that to look forward to, as well. **

"How did you get away with it?" Puck asked Kurt the next night, snuggled up to him from the comfort of Kurt's home.

"I'm not sure," Kurt admitted. "I think there's something Quinn didn't tell me."

Indeed, there was. After Quinn Fabray had called the paramedics to save Kurt's life, she noticed the razor blade clenched in his hand. She knew if they knew he was suicidal, he'd get sent back to the psych ward…and Quinn couldn't have that. She took it from his hand and hid it in her bag, waiting for when she could deposit it, erasing all the evidence. She told the paramedics that she'd found him like that, that it most certainly was not a suicide attempt. And that's the story she stuck with, the story she told the doctors in the Emergency Room, the story she told Burt and Carole Hummel, and the story she'd take to the grave with her.

"You wanna go on a date?" Puck asked suddenly. "I feel as if you need to get out of the house, go out to dinner, have fun or something. Come on, I'll pay."

Kurt pondered this for a moment. "I'd like that," he said finally.

"I know just the place," Puck grinned. "Grab your coat."

* * *

><p>"This is a nice café," Kurt said, settling himself into a cushy booth.<p>

"Yeah," Puck slid across from him. "I used to come here all the time. And tonight just happens to be Open Mic night."

Kurt's eyes widened. "Open Mic night?"

"Be right back," Puck winked. He dashed up onstage, someone handing him a guitar He sat down on a stool, tuning his guitar. "Hey, guys," Puck said into the microphone that had been set up. "This song is for my boyfriend, Kurt. I hope you all enjoy it." Kurt's heart soared as Puck-publicly!—referred to him as "my boyfriend".

_I set out on a narrow way many years ago  
><em>_Hoping I would find true love along the broken road  
><em>_But I got lost a time or two  
><em>_Wiped my brow and kept pushing through  
><em>_I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you_

Kurt smiled softly. He could feel all eyes on him as Puck looked at him as he sang, and he didn't mind. Puck smiled back at Kurt, adoring the way Kurt's eyes shone. It was true, Puck had never really been lucky in love. He had searched for it, and failed. He hadn't even really been looking for _true_ love until he stumbled across Kurt. Puck only could wonder how he hadn't seen Kurt standing in front of him earlier, how all the signs pointed towards the brunette countertenor.

_Every long-lost dream led me to where you are  
><em>_Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars  
><em>_Pointing me on my way into your loving arms  
><em>_This much I know is true:  
><em>_That God blessed the broken road  
><em>_That led me straight to you_

Kurt blushed, gazing up at his boyfriend. It felt good to think of Puck as his boyfriend again, even though they'd only been broken up for a full day. That day had felt like twenty to Kurt. He liked the notion of Puck being led to him along a road that was broken. Lord knew he went down that same road, trying to find love. His heart had been broken, it was true, by Finn. But Finn was best friends with Puck, so in a way, Finn had driven Kurt into Puck's arms.

_I think about the years I spent just passing through  
><em>_I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you  
><em>_But you just smile and take my hand  
><em>_You've been there, you understand  
><em>_It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true_

Kurt looked down shyly as Puck sang directly to him in front of the crowded café. Kurt did understand what Puck had been through; that's why they were perfect for each other. They were each other's missing puzzle pieces, their missing links were found in each other, and in all, they completed one another. Kurt wondered, in that moment, what the future had in store for the two of them, if they would make it happily-ever-after, if they would have children, if they would grow old together and die together in old age.

_Every long-lost dream led me to where you are  
><em>_Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars  
><em>_Pointing me on my way into your loving arms  
><em>_This much I know is true:  
><em>_That God blessed the broken road  
><em>_That led me straight to you_

Kurt felt someone slide in next to him. He looked over; it was Quinn.

"Hi," she whispered.

"Are you stalking me?" Kurt rolled his eyes.

"No," Quinn looked down. "I just wanted to say…"

"No, me first," Kurt reached out to her. "I wanted to thank you…for everything. For saving my life…for what you and Sam did yesterday…for making me realize that someone does care enough about me to save my life _and_ to keep a secret…what…what _did_ you tell my parents, anyway?"

"I…" Quinn started to say. She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. The point is, you're alive, and you have Noah Puckerman back on your arm." Kurt nodded. "I guess I'll be getting back to Sam now," Quinn excused herself.

"Quinn?" she turned around. "Thank you," Kurt whispered.

"You're welcome," she said, joining Sam on the other side of the room.

_Now I'm just rolling home  
><em>_Into my lover's arms  
><em>_This much I know is true:  
><em>_That God blessed the broken road  
><em>_That led me straight to you_

There was a tug at Puck's heartstrings as he watched the mother of his child talk with his boyfriend before walking off to join her own lover. He was Kurt's to love forever, but he still felt a pang of sadness when he looked at Quinn, remembering how they'd given up their baby girl over a year ago, how she was his first love, and would always be with him. You never did forget your first love; they were always there with you like a handprint on your heart and on your soul. But now, Kurt was in Puck's life, and Puck couldn't be happier.

_That God blessed the broken road  
><em>_That led me straight to you_

The café patrons broke into applause. Puck leaned in to the microphone again and said "I love you, Kurt." Kurt blushed as Puck made his way down to him. "Did you like it?"

"I loved it," Kurt murmured. He blushed again as Puck kissed him full on the lips…in front of everyone.


	12. Turning Tables

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Turning Tables.**

**Note: Three chapters in a row; you guys and gals are lucky! A sidenote on the timeline for this story: by the time you read the final word of the final chapter, excluding the Epilogue, a month will have passed in the Glee world. As you can already tell, the events take place one after the other; two or three chapters might take place on the same day. Anyway, here we go. Six more chapters, plus the Epilogue after this; review.**

_Close enough to start a war  
><em>_All that I have is on the floor  
><em>_God only knows what we're fighting for  
><em>_All that I say, you only say more_

Kurt sighed as Puck held him tightly. "Have I told you lately that I love you?"

"Might've mentioned it," Puck smiled.

"Well, I love you," Kurt giggled.

"I know," Puck kissed the top of Kurt's head. "I love you, too."

"Tell me why you love me," Kurt demanded sweetly.

"Well," Puck laid his hands over the pale boy's own. "I love your laugh. I love your smile. I love the way you call me Noah, and how it sounds like an angle sighing." Puck squeezed Kurt's hands. "Simply put, I love you, all of you, and that's all there is to it."

Kurt blushed. "Thank you," he whispered, unsure of what to say.

_I can't keep up with your turning tables  
><em>_Under your thumb, I can't breathe_

"Can I kiss you?" Puck asked cautiously, always nervous that he would upset Kurt unintentionally. Kurt nodded with a moment's hesitation. He turned his head to look up at Puck and closed his eyes, waiting. Puck chuckled, leaning in to press a sweet kiss to Kurt's lips. After a couple of seconds, Kurt opened his eyes. They darted back and forth, panic-stricken. He hurriedly pushed Puck away. "Babe, what's wrong?"

Kurt drew in ragged breaths. "I can't…I can't do this…the physical stuff…I can't…oh, God, Noah, I'm so sorry, but…it reminds me too much…to much…I…I love you, but the kissing stuff…I can't."

_So I won't let you close enough to hurt me  
><em>_No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me  
><em>_I can't give you what you think you gave me  
><em>_It's time to say goodbye to turning tables  
><em>_To turning tables…_

"Kurt," Puck looked taken aback. "Kurt, I'm sorry…I thought you were okay with it…"

Kurt trembled. "K…know how the other week…I wasn't speaking to you?" Puck nodded. "I was in the…the hallway after Glee…and Karofsky…he…he groped me…made me give him oral s…sex…" Kurt collapsed into Puck's arms, sobbing. "Th…that's why I can't give myself t…to you," Kurt sniffled as Puck rubbed his back soothingly. "Be…cause of him."

Puck held Kurt tight to his chest, and Kurt could hear Puck's heartbeat. "Shh," he whispered. "I'll kick his ass, I swear…Kurt, why didn't you tell anyone?"

Kurt took a shuddering breath. "Scared," he said quietly. "He s…said he'd k…k…kill me…if I told."

_Under haunted skies, I see you  
><em>_Where love is lost, your ghost is found  
><em>_I braved a hundred storms to leave you  
><em>_As hard as you try, no, I will never be knocked down_

"God," Puck muttered. "Report him, Kurt! Get his ass behind bars!"

Kurt pulled away from him, terrified. "But he'll…he…"

"Won't lay a hand on you," Puck promised. "Kurt, I made a vow to protect you, and I am going to honor that. I care about you more than anyone could imagine, and I hate seeing you so broken like this. I hate seeing your soul shattered, your spirit broken." He gently wiped Kurt's tears away with his thumb. "When you weren't talking to me, it killed. When you broke up with me…God, Kurt, that was the longest day of my life. And then when Quinn called me…told me you'd tried to kill yourself…I felt entirely to blame." Kurt's eyes clouded over, and Puck found his expression to be unreadable. "Say something," Puck begged.

_I can't keep up with your turning tables  
><em>_Under your thumb, I can't breathe_

"I can't," Kurt said softly.

"Can't what?"

"Can't…tell anyone…Noah, you have to keep this between us."

Puck shook his head. "No. Kurt, you have to talk to someone about this. Aren't you still seeing that psychologist?" Kurt froze. "Oh, Kurt," Puck groaned.

"I had to stop," Kurt said. "I couldn't keep going…everything was going so well…it wasn't helping me anymore, to talk to her…"

Puck shook his head. "Kurt, you gotta go back and talk to her...and not just about Karofsky, but about us…about how you can't be…physical…with me…I'll go with you, if you want…please…I just want you to get better."

Kurt looked up at him, wide-eyed. "Noah…"

Puck put his hands on Kurt's shoulders. "I'm putting you before me," he said firmly. "And, besides my sister, I've never done that for anyone…please, Kurt."

_So I won't let you close enough to hurt me  
><em>_No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me  
><em>_I can't give you what you think you gave me  
><em>_It's time to say goodbye to turning tables  
><em>_To turning tables…_

Kurt scooted to the end of the couch, curling into a ball. "Babe…please don't…come on now," Puck moved over, putting an arm around Kurt's shoulders. "You don't have to talk to someone, but I think it would be good for you. I talked to someone after my grandmother died," Puck admitted, "and it really helped me." Puck had never told anyone, not even Finn, about the several months he had talked to a therapist. He didn't want people to think that he was weak. Puck knew there was a stigma attached to seeing a therapist, especially if you were a man. He knew that this couldn't be easy for Kurt, but at the same time, he wished his boyfriend would listen, to stop being so damn stubborn for once and just give in, to just let someone help him.

Kurt put his head in his knees. "I don't want to talk to anyone about this," he mumbled. "This conversation is over."

Puck sighed, but just nodded. "Okay, Kurt. But if you want to...I'll take you myself." Kurt didn't respond; he didn't want to. He just wanted to be left alone.

_Next time, I'll be braver, I'll be my own savior  
><em>_When the thunder calls for me  
><em>_Next time, I'll be braver, I'll be my own savoir  
><em>_Standing on my own two feet_

Kurt lifted his head. "Noah? Can you please leave now?"

Puck sighed. "Yeah. Okay. Get some sleep, babe. You'll feel better. Or take one of your aromathingy baths."

Kurt cracked a tiny smile for half a second. "Aromatherapy," he said quietly. "And I think I will. Thanks, Noah. For not judging me…for just…listening."

Puck stood up, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Yeah. Sure, anytime." He leaned down to kiss Kurt's forehead. Kurt watched him walk up the stairs, giving one long last look towards him as he left. Kurt loved Noah Elijah Puckerman more than he'd ever loved anyone before, and he didn't know how to show it. He couldn't show it physically…he mind and body stumbled over the physical aspects, not allowing him to love Puck in that way…and Kurt often struggled to find the words to express his love. He lay back on the couch, staring at the ceiling. He wanted desperately to stand on his own two feet for once, to push through this without someone to cling on to. He wanted to be his own savior. He wanted to _love_ Puck, and by God, he was going to love him even if he took a hundred years to do so.

_So I won't let you close enough to hurt me  
><em>_No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me  
><em>_I can't give you what you think you gave me  
><em>_It's time to say goodbye to turning tables  
><em>_To turning tables  
><em>_To turning tables_


	13. Lithium

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Lithium**

**Note: I've been dying to do this song since the first installment in this series. I hate to say this, because I say it nearly every chapter, but it's the perfect song for Kurt to sing in this moment. Four chapters after this, plus the Epilogue (I miscalculated haha). Review.**

Kurt wandered into the auditorium in a daze. He was conflicted over his relationship with Puck. He loved him, but he didn't want to go to therapy again, like Puck was insisting that he do. He also didn't want Puck to beat up Karofsky. He didn't think it would change a damn thing. Karofsky got what he wanted, and what he wanted was Kurt Hummel. Kurt walked across the stage, running a hand across the top of the black baby-grand piano. He slowly sat down on the piano bench, laying his hands on the keys. Pushing his sleeves up, he began to play.

_Lithium, don't wanna lock me up inside  
><em>_Lithium, don't wanna forget how it feels without  
><em>_Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow  
><em>_Oh, but God, I want to let it go_

Kurt felt locked up. He felt like every emotion, every thought, every feeling was locked inside of him, and he could not get them out. He didn't want to be locked up anymore. He wanted to feel, to not be numb anymore. He'd felt numb for over a year, and was tired of being unfeeling, of walking around like a ghost. He just wanted to let it go, to walk off with his lover, to move on with his life. Kurt wanted to erase all of the memories of his physical and sexual abuse. At the same time, he wanted to stay in love with his sorrow. It was easier than staying in love with Puck, God knew, and it loved him more than anyone.

_Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone  
><em>_Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show  
><em>_Never wanted it to be so cold  
><em>_Just didn't drink enough to say you love me_

Kurt let his hands fly over the keys. Music was his escape. It always had been, besides the flames. Music had always been there for him. Music was there to hold him, to comfort him, to wrap him up in sweet melodies and protect him. His mother had been the one to teach him how to play the piano. She would sit with him at their piano in the living room, him sitting on her lap as she held his hands, teaching him how to play note by note. Music was the only thing that kept him attached to her, the part of her that was still in him forever. He played the notes as if she were in the audience, watching him, listening to the soft rising and falling of the chords.

_I can't hold on to me  
><em>_Wonder what's wrong with me_

Kurt knew something was wrong with him. He'd always known something was wrong. He'd never officially been diagnosed with anything before. Although he'd looked up different psychological disorders before, but he could never find the explanation for what he was going through. He didn't know why he'd be up one day and miserable the next. He didn't know why he couldn't say no to Karofsky, why he couldn't push him away. He didn't know why he couldn't hold on to himself, why he was afraid of love. He didn't know why he always pushed people away, why he had to make other people feel bad to make himself feel good. Kurt didn't know what was going on in his mind at any given moment. He felt like a demon was taking over his soul, slowly but surely devouring it.

_Lithium, don't wanna lock me up inside  
><em>_Lithium, don't wanna forget how it feels without  
><em>_Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow  
><em>_Ohhh_

Puck walked down the halls, unsure of what to do. He loved Kurt, and that was all he knew. He decided to talk to someone about their situation, but he didn't know who.

"Hey, Puck. What's going on?"

Puck turned around. "Mr. Schue. Can I talk to you?"

"Yeah, sure," Mr. Schue leaned against the locker, inviting Puck to talk with him. "Is everything okay with you and Kurt? I heard he was in the hospital the other day."

"Yeah," Puck said softly. "He wasn't feeling well. Dehydrated," Puck lied easily, not wanting to tell his choir teacher the truth.

"Oh. Well, at least he's better," Mr. Schue said. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Kurt's depressed," Puck admitted. "He can't be…physical…with me. I mean, we haven't tried anything, don't get any ideas, but I kissed him last night and he totally freaked out. I even asked him if I could kiss him, and he said yes, but he freaked out anyway. I…I don't want him to be…"

"Did you try to talk to him?" Mr. Schue shook his head in confusion.

"Yeah," Puck said. "But he says he can't be physical with me. He loves me, or at least he says he does…Mr. Schue, I love him more than I love anyone, except maybe my little sister, and I want to help him, but he just won't let me!"

"Puck…"

"Know what? Never mind. I've got this," Puck strode off, not wanting to talk about it anymore.

_Don't want to let it lay me down this time  
><em>_Drown my will to fly  
><em>_Here in the darkness, I know myself  
><em>_Can't break free until I let it go  
><em>_Let me go!_

"Puck?" Mr. Schue called after him.

Puck turned back to face him. "Mr. Schue, you know you're my favorite teacher and all, but I think I'm good. I'm going to help Kurt, even if he doesn't want me to. I just wanted to talk to someone about what was going on. That's all."

"Okay, Puck," Mr. Schue sighed. "But come to me if you need to talk. That goes for Kurt, too."

"Right," Puck turned around again and walked off. He stalked off towards the exit, walking past the auditorium on his way out. He could hear soft piano music coming from behind the heavy wooden doors, and he knew there could only be two explanations; either it was Brad, their pianist, rehearsing for something or someone, or it was Kurt. There was only one way to find out; Puck slowly opened the door, trying not to make any noise as he slipped inside. His suspicions were confirmed; Kurt was sitting at the piano onstage, playing. Puck leaned against the back wall, making sure he stayed out of sight.

_Darling, I forgive you after all  
><em>_Anything is better than to be alone  
><em>_And in the end I guess I had to fall  
><em>_Always find my place among the ashes_

Puck looked up at his boyfriend, playing and singing his soul out alone on the wide, dark stage. He was glad that Kurt forgave him, if he was even interpreting that correctly. All he wanted was Kurt's forgiveness for all that he'd ever done to him in the past. He could understand what Kurt meant by anything was better than being alone. Being alone sucked, Puck knew, and he hated seeing Kurt alone. He thought Kurt looked too small all alone on the vast stage, that he was swallowed up by it. Kurt would always find his place among the ashes, like a phoenix, like a survivor.

_I can't hold on to me  
><em>_Wonder what's wrong with me_

Kurt banged out the notes, feeling a new fire within him. He wished that Puck could hear him sing this. If only he knew that Puck was standing in the back of the auditorium, hanging on his every word. Kurt wanted to get help. He wanted to know what was wrong with him. But he didn't want to give in to going to a therapist. He didn't want to talk to someone he wasn't comfortable with about how he couldn't be physical with his boyfriend. He'd talk to his own family before he would talk to a stranger about what was going on within him. Not like they'd believe him when he said there was something wrong with his mind that he had no control over, anyway. No one would.

_Lithium, don't wanna lock me up inside  
><em>_Lithium, don't wanna forget how it feels without  
><em>_Lithium…stay in love with you  
><em>_Ohhhh…I'm gonna let it go_

Puck shook his head, unable to watch Kurt do this a minute longer. He stormed to the locker room, hoping Karofsky would still be there. He was. "Hey, Karofsky! Leave my man Kurt alone," he growled.

Karofsky laughed. "You mean your _boyfriend_?"

Puck nodded. "That's right. Kurt's my boyfriend. Got a problem with that?"

Karofsky sneered. "Never thought you'd be a queer, Puckerman," he said, pulling old clothes out of his locker.

"Wanna say that to my face, punk?" Puck slammed him against the row of lockers. "I know what you did to Kurt," he hissed. "He told me everything. And by God, I'm going to make you pay for what you did to that wonderful, amazing boy."

"Oh yeah? What are you gonna do?"

Puck punched Karofsky in the eye. He punched Karofsky in the stomach, the ribs, the groin. He made sure that Kurt was paid back in kind for what happened to him.

**Note: Okay, I don't usually do notes at the end of chapters, but I'm HORRIBLE at writing fight scenes. Sorry! Bad ending, I know, but you guys wanted Puck to kick Karofsky's ass, and so he did. Sort of. Imagine it happened off-camera. **


	14. Anything But Ordinary

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Anything But Ordinary.**

**Note: Almost…done…three full chapters after this, guys! I have nothing else to really say here. Except that this is almost over. And I would like you guys to review.**

_Sometimes I get so weird  
><em>_I even freak myself out  
><em>_I laugh myself to sleep  
><em>_It's my lullaby_

"Hey, Kurt," Rachel said softly. "How are you doing?"

Kurt shrugged. "Okay, I guess. Did you see that documentary on Judy Garland last night?"

Rachel nodded enthusiastically. "It was fascinating, wasn't it? And to think, she got her big break when she was seventeen!"

"Who knows? Maybe you'll be Broadway-bound soon," Kurt joked.

"I hope so. Would you…come out to New York with me?" Rachel asked slowly.

Kurt's eyes lit up. "You mean that? New York?"

"Of course," she nodded. "I mean, I figure if I'm going to be the next Fanny Brice in _Funny Girl_, you might as well be the next Fieyro in _Wicked_."

Kurt gave her a small smile. "I'd rather be Elphaba. But…I won't dispute that it wouldn't be fun."

"Maybe we could share an apartment!" Rachel exclaimed. "Just you and me, in the Big Apple!"

Kurt frowned. "But what about Puck? And I thought you were still in love with Finn?"

"They can come with us," Rachel said. "Come on, Kurt. Think about it!"

_Sometimes I drive so fast  
><em>_Just to feel the danger  
><em>_I wanna scream  
><em>_It makes me feel alive_

"Hmmmm," Kurt considered her words. "New York…"

"Concrete jungle where dreams are made of," Rachel sang, teasing him.

"There's nothing you can't do," he replied, a smile playing across his face. "I never thought I'd say it, Rachel, but…you're right. I'd love to break into 'the biz'."

"You'd be amazing on Broadway," Rachel hugged him, ruffling his hair a little.

"So would you," he said honestly. "Your voice is amazing, Rach. I never say it, because usually you just annoy the snot out of me, but you give Ms. Streisand a run for her money."

Rachel flushed with pride. "Thanks, Kurt. Your voice is incredible, too. It's hard to find a countertenor, you know. Your range is…amazing…and you have real stage presence."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Kurt gave her a sly look.

"Because I love you, silly!" she tugged on his shirt.

"Sure, Rachel," Kurt rolled his eyes. "Love you, too."

"So what do you say? New York?"

Kurt smiled. "New York," he put his arm through hers, linking them together.

_Is it enough to love?  
>Is it enough to breathe?<br>__Somebody rip my heart out  
><em>_And leave me here to bleed_

"So…do you like being called Noah?" the therapist asked the Mohawk-clad boy.

"My friends call me Puck. Only my family really calls me Noah…oh, and my boyfriend," Puck added.

"Okay. Puck. So you have a boyfriend? What's he like?"

Puck leaned back against the couch. "His name's Kurt. Jesus, he's the most beautiful, amazing boy in the world. See, I used to pick on him all the time, but then I realized I only picked on him 'cause I liked him. We're in Glee club together. He's pretty much my polar opposite…you know, he's into musicals and fashion and that stuff…but he completes me. You know?

Dr. Phillips wrote on her pad of paper. "How long have you been together?"

"Four months," Puck said proudly. "It's my longest relationship yet. And it's my first with a boy. See, I had a baby with my best friend's girlfriend…we have her up for adoption, it's a long story…but I wasn't with her, even after they broke up."

"So you're a father?" Dr. Phillips looked at him in surprise.

"I guess, yeah," Puck shrugged. "I miss her—we named her Beth before we gave her up—but I'm not sure if I would've been the best father. I was a bit of a manwhore back before I fell for Kurt."

"Any reason for your promiscuous behavior?"

Puck shrugged again. "I guess I was trying to prove to myself that I wasn't gay. But I am, and I'm okay with that now."

"And your family's okay with it?"

"They're cool with it, yeah," Puck nodded. "Kurt's family is, too. I'm like, best friends with his stepbrother."

_Is it enough to die?  
>Somebody save my life<br>__I'd rather be anything but ordinary, please_

"So why have you come to see me, Puck?" Dr. Phillips asked, putting her pad down. The psychologist had short white hair and a grandmotherly aura about her. She looked over the tops of her wire-rimmed glasses, gazing intently at the teenage boy on her couch.

"Kurt…God, I don't even know if I should be telling you this, doc."

"Go ahead," she nodded. "There's a code of silence in my office."

"He's been getting harassed by this kid at our school for like…almost a year," Puck admitted. "And this kid…he raped Kurt a couple times. Kurt tried to kill himself, and ended up in the psych ward. He got out of there after a couple months, and I really saw the difference. He was happier again, smiling. At that point, we'd been together for like, a month. But this kid, he kept harassing Kurt. And Kurt…he can't be…physical with me, you know?"

"Physical, how?" Dr. Phillips asked gently.

"Like, I tried to kiss him the other night? Just a small kiss, right? And he totally freaked out and told me he couldn't be physical with me. I want to kiss him…maybe one day, in the future, have sex with him…but he won't let me do _anything_, and it makes me nervous. Like, what if he's never comfortable with that stuff, and it causes a real problem with our relationship?"

"Have you tried talking to him about it?"

Puck nodded. "I understand that's still, you know, traumatized over being raped and all, but…I don't know, I wish he was more open with his feelings."

_To walk within the lines  
><em>_Would make my life so boring  
><em>_I want to know that I have been  
><em>_To the extreme_

Kurt strode down the hall, arm-in-arm with Rachel. "Can you believe what that girl was wearing today? I mean, honestly, she…" his breath hitched suddenly.

"What is it?" Rachel sidled closer to him.

"I have to go," he pulled away from her. "I'm so sorry, I just realized I have a date planned with Noah tonight! I have to get ready!"

"Kurt, it's only four," Rachel laughed.

"Yes, but it takes me a good hour to go through my beauty routine," Kurt smoothed his shirt. "It's been lovely talking to you, Barbra Berry, but I must go!"

"Okay, Kurt," she smiled. "Have a nice time. And don't forget; New York!"

"New York," he shook her hand warmly. He took off down the hall at a brisk walk.

"Tell Noah I said hi," she called after him.

"I will," he answered over his shoulder. He took out his phone and texted Puck.

**Kurt: Might be running a couple minutes later. Got distracted talking to Rachel.**

**Puck: Rachel? LOL. It's okay, babe. **

**Kurt: See you soon, Noah. **

**Puck: See you, my love.**

_So knock me off my feet  
><em>_Come on now, give it to me  
><em>_Anything to make me feel alive_

Kurt drove home, already thinking of what outfit to wear on their date that night. Once at home, he called out a quick hello to his family before dashing up to his room to paw through his closet. "No…that's last season…nope," he threw various clothes on the bed and the floor. "FINN!"

Finn came running in. "Dude, what's wrong?"

"I'm having a fashion emergency," Kurt wailed.

Finn let out a slow, long sigh. "I thought something had happened, Kurt!"

"I have a date in," Kurt checked his watch. "One hour, and I don't know what to wear!"

Finn rolled his eyes. "I don't think Puck really cares, bro."

"Ugh, you're no help," Kurt pushed him out the door. He whirled around, surveying the mess of fabrics. "Maybe this," he plucked a sheer black shirt out of the pile. "With this," he dug a pair of skinny jeans out of the back of the closet. "There," he laid the ensemble out. "But it needs an accessory…ah," he paired it with a soft grey scarf. "Perfect," he smiled. He quickly got dressed, taking care to look as nice as he could. To Kurt, fashion was almost as important as his voice. He slipped a tube of Chapstick in his pocket, in case he was bold enough to kiss Puck tonight. With one last spritz of hairspray to his bangs, he cleaned up the mess he'd made—carefully, so he wouldn't winkle his outfit—and ran down the stairs. "Going-on-a-date-with-Puck-I'll-be-back-by-eleven-love-you-bye!" he called out before heading out the door and to his car, hoping he wasn't late.

_Is it enough to love?  
><em>_Is it enough to breathe?  
><em>_Somebody rip my heart out  
><em>_And leave me here to bleed_

"I wish you and Kurt all the luck," Dr. Phillips said to Puck. "And if you want to talk to me again…or even if, maybe, Kurt wants to come in and talk…here's my card."

"Thanks," Puck said. He looked down at his watch. "Ah, crap. Kurt and I have a date tonight, and I'm running late. He _hates_ when I'm late."

Dr. Phillips chuckled softly. "Have a nice time."

"Will do," Puck jokingly saluted her, shoving her business card in his pocket, grabbing his coat and leaving the cozy office. He quickly headed out the door, vowing to make another appointment soon. Talking with someone actually helped him to feel better. It might not help Kurt, but it helps me, he thought. Puck would never admit it to anyone—after all, he had his bad-ass reputation to protect and uphold—but he was a softie at heart, and he didn't mind talking about his problems with a complete stranger, where he knew there was a code of silence that could not be broken. He felt as if a load had been taken off his chest as he jumped in his car and drove away. He knew he didn't have time to change before his date with Kurt, but where they were going, he didn't need a nice outfit, he thought. Fashion may be Kurt's thing, but it isn't mine, he laughed to himself.

_Is it enough to die?  
>Somebody save my life<br>__I'd rather be anything but ordinary, please  
><em>_I'd rather be anything but ordinary, please_

Santana lay back, talking to Tallulah on the phone. "I'm just worried about him."

"Worried about whom?"

"Kurt," Santana sighed. "Did you know he tried to kill himself the other day?"

Tallulah gasped. "Oh, my God."

"He slit his wrist," Santana said softly. "I mean, they didn't tell his parents that, but Quinn—she's my friend, she found Kurt right after and she was the one that called 911—told me truth later. She found the razor in his hand, Tally. Oh, it was so bad."

"I'm so sorry," Tallulah murmured. "Is he okay, though?"

"He's better, yeah," Santana said. "Something about a dead sister and breaking up with Puck."

"He broke up with Puck?"

"Only for like, a day," Santana rolled her eyes. "But apparently, it was bad enough for a suicide attempt."

"I hope he gets better," Tallulah said. "From the bottom of my heart, I really do."

"Yeah. I do, too," Santana sighed. "I do, too."

_Let down your defenses, use no common sense  
><em>_If you look, you will see  
><em>_That this world is a beautiful accident  
><em>_Turbulent, succulent, opulent, permanent, no way  
><em>_I wanna taste it, don't wanna waste it away_

Santana hung up the phone and took a deep breath, slowly letting it out. She was so afraid. Her relationship with Tallulah had been going great, it was true. They'd been together for three-and-a-half months. Even though Tallulah wouldn't come out to her family and school friends, she was an open book when it came to the Latina. She told Santana all of her secrets, her hopes, her fears, and her dreams. Tallulah knew when she was eighteen, they could get out of this town, that she didn't have to worry anymore. Tallulah was petrified that she would get kicked out of her house, like Santana had. Santana understood her concerns, and didn't press the issue any further. Still, she wished her girlfriend could be out and proud like she was starting to me, or that they, at least, went to the same school.

_Sometimes I get so weird  
><em>_I even freak myself out  
><em>_I laugh myself to sleep  
><em>_It's my lullaby_

Kurt drove along, watching the scenery pass him by. He couldn't wait for the date they'd had planned that night. He'd been so stressed out lately between his relationship with Puck, school, and family life, that he needed a 'fun' date, one where he could just be a kid again. He needed to just let loose and run around, acting like a five-year-old and not giving a damn. He knew Puck wouldn't care if he acted like a child for a night, if he just wanted to regain his childlike innocence. He'd had that innocence stolen after his mother died, when the flames started taking over his body and soul.

_Is it enough?  
>It is enough?<br>__Is it enough to breathe?  
>Somebody rip my heart out<br>__And leave me here to bleed_

Kurt arrived at his destination: the park. He loved going to the park as a kid. He had many memories of playing there with friends and cousins as a child. The park was where his mother brought him nearly every day in the summer to run around. Kurt wasn't a big fan of the sandbox—too dirty—and he could do without the monkey bars and the jungle gym. Kurt liked to slide, but sliding sometimes messed up his clothes, and he had a bitter memory of splitting his lip from banging into a slide. But what Kurt had loved most of all about the park as a child was the swinging on the swings. He loved the feeling of flying, of being high above everything else. He loved the feeling of his stomach soaring and dropping as he flew back and forth. Sometimes, when he was feeling particularly bold, he'd jump off, landing in the soft mulch below. It was his favorite place in the world, other than the mall.

_Is it enough to die?  
>Somebody save my life<br>__I'd rather be anything but ordinary, please_

Kurt parked his car, climbing out of it. He strode towards the playground with confidence. It took all of his strength not to just run towards the swings right then and there, to fly through the air again, something he hadn't done upwards of eight years. He tried to control himself, but ended up running to the old swingset anyway. It looked the same as it always did. The chains still creaked, the seats still squeaked, and the set still looked as if it could fall over at a moment's notice. Kurt sat down on his favorite swing, the one on the far left. He took a deep breath, backed up as far as he could, and let go. The feeling was indescribable as he soared, feeling the familiar feeling of his stomach swooping and his heart pounding. He pumped his legs, swinging back and forth, letting the wind blow through his hair and whistle in his ears. Finally, he slowed to a stop.

"Hey," a voice from behind him sounded. He turned around.

_Is it enough?  
>Is it enough to die?<br>Somebody save my life  
><em>_I'd rather be anything but ordinary, please  
><em>_I'd rather be anything but ordinary, please_

**To be continued…**


	15. Last Night on Earth

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Last Night on Earth.**

**Note: If you've seen or heard the American Idiot: The Musical version of this song, you know how it goes (and if not, I suggest you listen to it). Imagine it as that duet version, not the original Green Day version. Also, I know you're all peeved about that cliffhanger…and just a warning, you're going to HATE me after this chapter. But I'll still love you, my little phoenixes! **

"Hi, Noah," Kurt said softly, looking up shyly at his boyfriend.

"What are you doing?" Puck laughed, looking curiously at Kurt sitting on the swing.

"Golfing, Noah," Kurt rolled his eyes. "I always loved this place," he cast his glance downwards. "I loved swinging most of all. Care to join me?"

Puck smiled. "Of course." He sat down on the swing next to Kurt's. "Give me your hand."

Kurt reached out and took Puck's hand, large and rough in his own. "Ready?" he started to back up.

"Ready," Puck grinned, backing up with him. "One…two…three…"

_And they let go._

Kurt broke into a wide smile, feeling as if his face would split in two. He couldn't help but to let out a "wheeee!" as they soared through the air together. The sun was setting, and Kurt could not have been happier as he swung hand-in-hand with his lover. Kurt turned his face to the sky, letting the sun wash over him, closing his eyes and breathing in the brisk spring air. Puck looked over at him, smiling softly. Kurt looked adorable as he swung back and forth, almost like a child again. Puck felt all the love in his heart go towards the smaller boy. Finally, Kurt slowed to a stop, bringing Puck down with him.

"God, I love you," Puck said, squeezing Kurt's hand.

"Love you, too. Can…can we sing together? We haven't in so long…"

"Of course," Puck murmured. "I know just the song, too."

_I text a postcard sent to you; did it go through?  
>Sending all my love to you<br>__You are the moonlight of my life every night  
><em>_Giving all my love to you_

Every night for the first month after Kurt had gotten out of rehab, Puck had texted him to say goodnight. It was always around the same time, when he knew Kurt was going to bed, and Puck always made sure that Kurt read it before he went to bed himself. He always signed it with a "love, Noah", or else "forever, Noah". Kurt was all that he could've ever asked for, and he made sure that Kurt knew it. Puck sent every ounce of love through his texts, only to recharge his heart every night and start all over again the next day.

_My beating heart belongs to you  
><em>_I walked for miles 'til I found you  
><em>_I'm here to honor you  
><em>_If I lose everything in the fire  
><em>_I'm sending all my love to you_

Puck led Kurt away from the swingset, walking him out towards the bike path. He set out for the benches on the other side of the gravel trail, sitting down on one, bringing Kurt with him. He drew the countertenor close to him, letting Kurt's head lay on his chest. Kurt could hear Puck's heartbeat. Call him crazy, but he could've sworn that Puck's heart was beating his name. Even if he lost everything to the flames, even if they took all that was left of him, Puck would still be left standing on the other side of the smoke once it cleared.

_With every breath that I am worth here on Earth  
><em>_I'm sending all my love to you  
><em>_So if you dare to second guess, you can rest assured  
><em>_That all my love's for you_

Kurt looked up at Puck, breath hitching as he realized how much he truly loved this boy. He hoped that Puck didn't second-guess his love for him. He wanted Puck to know that he truly cared, that he truly did love him, even though he didn't show it all the time. He knew now that killing yourself for a man—or woman, for that matter—wasn't worth it, that Romeo and Juliet had it all wrong. With every breath he was worth on this blue-and-green planet stuck in space, he was Noah Puckerman's. He always had been, and always would be.

_My beating heart belongs to you  
><em>_I walked for miles 'til I found you  
><em>_I'm here to honor you  
><em>_If I lose everything in the fire  
><em>_I'm sending all my love to you_

Kurt gazed up at Puck, whose eyes were shining. Kurt felt as if he had walked for mile after endless mile until he had found Puck, who was there all along, waiting in the wings for his moment to love him. Puck felt the same. He had walked down an empty road, counting down the miles until true love struck him. He couldn't always see the end of the road, but when he finally did, it was Kurt he saw standing there, the person he'd least expected to see…but always secretly wanted to. He held Kurt even closer to him, feeling how the younger boy trembled in his arms.

_My beating heart belongs to you  
><em>_I walked for miles 'til I found you  
><em>_I'm here to honor you  
><em>_If I lose everything in the fire  
><em>_Did I ever make it through?_

"God…Noah…" Kurt murmured. He leaned up to press a harsh, needy kiss to Puck's lips, catching the Jewish boy off guard. Puck moaned into the kiss, wrapping his arms securely around Kurt. Before he knew it, he felt Kurt's tongue slip through his lips. Puck couldn't believe it; who was this boy in front of him, suddenly kissing him with a newfound fire and abandon? Puck granted Kurt's tongue entrance, meeting it with his own. Kurt moaned softly, running his arms over Puck's arms, his chest, his abdomen.

Puck lay down on the bench, pulling Kurt on top of him. Kurt enjoyed being in this position of dominance for once. He began grinding his hips down against Puck's, feeling slightly out-of-body. Being intimate with someone, he decided, wasn't so bad when it was with someone who loved you, truly loved you, and who you truly loved in return.

"Kurt…wait…" Puck broke away from the kiss. "Are you sure you're okay with this?"

Kurt nodded. "I love you…that's all I know, Noah. All I know is that I'm here, and I love you, and you love me. I just want to be here…with you…please…Noah…" Kurt kissed Puck hungrily. Puck began working Kurt's shirt off. Kurt's eyes widened.

"Noah…"

"You're beautiful, Kurt," Puck said softly, reading the brunette's mind.

"My scars," Kurt mumbled.

"I don't mind them. They're what make you, you," Puck gently laid Kurt's shirt next to them, knowing Kurt was very picky about getting his clothes dirty. Kurt's eyes gleamed as Puck took off his own shirt, soaking in Puck's six-pack and toned arms. He kissed Puck's jaw, laying kisses from it to Puck's neck, collarbone, chest, stomach, and abs. He ran a hand over Puck's clothed crotch, feeling Puck spring to life beneath his pianist's fingers.

"Kurt," Puck's eyes widened in surprise.

"I want you," Kurt said in a rush. "I want you, all of you…I want to make love to you, Noah…"

Puck shook his head. "Kurt…you're not ready."

"I am…please, Noah…at least…we can…"

"Take it slow? Yes, I'd love that," Puck whispered. "But I'm not doing that out in public. If I'm going to take you, my love, I'm going to have you on a bed, with candles and stuff so it's romantic and soft."

"Okay," Kurt pouted. He brightened a little. "Can we go to my house, then? Or yours?"

"Yes," Puck said, slipping his shirt back on. He vowed to take it easy on Kurt, to make sure that this was really what he wanted to do before making love to him. "Come on," he said after Kurt put his own shirt on. "Let's go, babe."

Kurt slipped his hand in Puck's, deciding to walk with him for a little while before going home to give himself over to absolute pleasure.

_Neither of them saw it coming._

"You know, we might have to kick Finn out of the house, unless you wanna have a threesome," Kurt giggled.

"No, thanks," Puck rolled his eyes. "Besides, I see Finn in the locker room all the time. So not worth it."

Kurt smacked his arm lightly. "He's my stepbrother! I see him in the shower!"

"Is he better than me?" Puck asked with mock jealousy.

"Of course not," Kurt blushed. "Your penis is bigger. And you have better arms."

Puck laughed. "Why thank you, sir."

"Anytime," Kurt moved closer to Puck.

_They heard the gun click before they even saw the killer approach._

"Kurt, get behind me!" Puck yelled, throwing himself in front of his lover.

_A bang. A boy falls to the ground. The killer swears and runs._

"Noah!" Kurt screamed, dropping to his knees. Blood pooled out of Puck's stomach and onto Kurt's hands. "No…no…" he started to sob.

"Kurt…listen to me," Puck gasped for breath. "Take care of Sarah for me, okay? Be her older brother."

"It won't come to that," Kurt felt the tears stream from his eyes. "You'll be okay, Noah…you will…"

"No," Puck groaned. "Kurt…I can't hang on much longer…promise me you'll take care of her."

"Noah…"

"_Promise me_."

"I promise," Kurt gulped. "Noah…I'm so sorry…I don't ever show that I love you…but I love you so much…more than you could ever know…"

"I love you, too, Kurt. I'll always love you." Puck groaned again. "I'm sorry, Kurt…I didn't mean for it to…end this way."

"It's not going to end, Noah," Kurt was crying harder. "It's not!"

"I love you, Kurt," Puck whispered. Kurt felt his pulse weaken, his eyes go glassy.

"No…no, please…stay…stay with me, Noah!" he begged. Puck's eyes closed slowly. "No…no, please, no," Kurt searched frantically for his cell phone. He knew, deep in his heart, that it was too late, but he dialed 911. "Help…please help…my boyfriend…he's been shot," Kurt sobbed into the phone. He hung up, draping himself over Puck's body, crying until he could not cry any longer, or until the paramedics came and took Puck away. Kurt didn't know which came first. All he knew was that once again, he was alone in the big, cruel world.

_His dying words were "I love you". _


	16. Heroes and Thieves

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Heroes and Thieves.**

**Note: I'm so sorry about that last chapter. So very sorry. You'll see why I had to do it in the final chapters of this. Hope you're all not too mad at me! Enjoy this!**

Kurt sat in the hospital once, more, trembling from head to toe. He rocked back and forth, eyes darting to the door every few seconds. A police officer approached him.

"You Kurt Hummel?" Kurt nodded, unable to speak. "You're Noah Puckerman's boyfriend?"

"Was," Kurt said softly. "I was his boyfriend, yes."

"And you were there when he was shot?" Kurt buried his head in his knees. "I'm real sorry," the officer said gently. "But I have to get these facts straight. Right now, you're our main suspect-" Kurt lifted his head. "Unless you name a perp," the officer added quickly.

"I…" Kurt looked up at the female officer, wide-eyed. "I know who did it. It's someone who's been out to destroy my life for over a year now."

"Who would that be, Mr. Hummel?"

"David Karofsky," Kurt murmured, trembling harder now.

The officer scribbled a name down on her pad. "Thank you, Kurt. I'm very sorry for your loss. You said that he's been attacking you…what has he done?"

Kurt looked down, picking at a loose thread on his jeans. "Sexually and physically abused me," he said quietly, not quite meeting the officer's concerned eyes.

"Did he rape you?" Kurt's silence told Officer Martin her answer. "Jesus," she made a note of this. "I'll set a warrant for his arrest immediately." She patted Kurt on the shoulder before walking off to radio her fellow officers.

"Kurt!" Carole came running in. "Are you okay?"

Kurt nodded. "I'm fine," he murmured.

"Where's Puck?" Finn looked around.

"He's…he's…" Kurt broke off, trying not to sob.

"No…Kurt, no!" Finn roared.

"He's dead," Kurt said, his voice hollow. "He's really dead."

* * *

><p>Kurt stood in the back of the temple, not ready to do this. He'd had enough of funerals in the past eight years; his mother's, Mercedes', and now Puck's. His hands shook as he approached the Puckermans, grief-stricken. "I'm so sorry," he murmured.<p>

"Kurt," Mrs. Puckerman wrapped him in a hug. "Noah loved you so much…he always talked about you…and when he did, his eyes just lit up…I swear, he was so in love…"

Mr. Puckerman cleared his throat. "Although I did not wholly…approve…of your relationship with him, he did genuinely care about you, Kurt."

Kurt bent down to talk to Sarah. "I'm so sorry about your big brother," he whispered, hugging her. "He told me…before he died…that he wants me to be your big brother now. Is that okay with you?"

"Yes," she sniffled. "I mean, you can't replace No, but you can be my brother now."

"Well…I suppose we're as ready as we'll ever be," Mrs. Puckerman said somberly, smoothing out her black skirt. Kurt followed them into the temple. He'd never been in one before, and it struck him as odd. He didn't understand half of the service, as it was in Hebrew, but he tried to numb himself to his surroundings, as if he weren't really there.

Kurt was asked to make a speech, and he made his way to the podium, still numb. "I was going to talk about how much I loved Noah," he addressed the crowd. "But I can't. I mean, I can't talk about it. But I can sing about it…I think that's what he would've wanted. And this song…well, it describes how I feel right now. If you don't mind," Kurt made his way over to the piano that had been set up for him in advance. "This is for you, baby," he whispered, letting his fingers fall over the keys, starting to play.

_Well disaster, it strikes, on a daily basis  
><em>_I'm looking for wisdom in all the wrong places  
><em>_But still wanna laugh in disappointed faces  
><em>_But you can't help me; I'm blinded by these_

Kurt took a shuddering breath, willing himself not to cry. He couldn't cry, not now, when he'd just begun. Disaster, it was true, seemed to follow him no matter where he went. Disaster occurred on a daily basis in his life, and he was consumed by it. He looked for wisdom where he found disaster, but never found it. He knew where to find it now; or at least, he did, as his main source of wisdom was now dead. Kurt felt the urge to laugh at the disappointed faces of his father, his brother, his teachers and friends. To laugh, and to prove them all wrong.

_Heroes and thieves at my door  
><em>_I can't seem to tell them apart anymore  
><em>_Just when I've figured it out  
><em>_Darling, it's you I'm without_

Just when Kurt had figured out that Puck was what he wanted, that Puck was the one he loved and wanted to spend the rest of his life with, Puck was gone, and Kurt was there without him. It had taken him months to figure it out, and the moment that it had hit him was the moment that Puck's dying words to him were uttered. Kurt then realized that Puck was the hero, and Karofsky was the thief that took him away.

_Well, I'm stubborn and wrong, but at least I know it  
><em>_I keep moving along until I can get through this  
><em>_But maybe this song is the best I can do it  
><em>_So I'm patiently waiting on these_

Kurt was stubborn—hell, it was in his astrology sign (Taurus) for him to be a naturally stubborn person. It didn't help that his dad was just as stubborn as he was, if not more. But at least Kurt knew it. Kurt was wrong. He was wrong for not seeing it before, his love for Puck. He was wrong for not reporting the horrid things that Karofsky did to him. But at least he knew it.

_Heroes and thieves at my door  
><em>_I can't seem to tell them apart anymore  
><em>_Just when I've figured it out  
><em>_Darling, it's you, darling, it's you  
><em>_Oh, darling, it's you I'm without_

Kurt didn't dare to look out upon the mourners. He knew that Puck's family was there. He knew that the kids in New Directions—not to mention, Mr. Schuester—were there, too. He didn't want to look out upon their faces. He knew Quinn would be crying, and Rachel. Kurt even swore he saw Shelby, Beth's adoptive mother, slip into the back row with Beth in tow. Kurt's heart broke to know that this little girl's biological father was about to be laid in the ground, that she would never get to know him.

_Your comforting logic-like  
><em>_These days are the ones I'll miss  
><em>_And I seek a solitude  
><em>_That I can't find without you_

Kurt did not have a more turbulent relationship than the relationship he'd had with Puck. Still, he would miss the days he spent with the Mohawked boy, whether it was cuddling with him and feeling his strong arms around him, or if it was arguing with the boy over what date they would go on that night. Kurt had loved every moment he'd spent as Puck's boyfriend, and getting used to being single, to this new solitude, was going to be difficult.

_Well, it seems like I'm getting closure somehow  
><em>_A flicker of peace that I finally found  
><em>_Thank you for believing in me now  
><em>'_cause I do need it_

Kurt fought off the tears that threatened to fall from the corners of his eyes. He knew that funerals were supposed to be closures for a person's death; here, at Noah Puckerman's funeral, he found a glimmer of peace that he hadn't found at Mercedes' funeral, just seven months prior. Although Puck was murdered and her death had been an accident, he felt more at peace with this one. He only wished he could've thanked Puck for believing in him, for always standing by his side.

_Give me a year or two  
><em>_And I'll mend my ways and see these mistakes  
><em>_When I see the truth  
><em>_Darling, trust me, when I can see  
><em>_I'll be coming back, I'll be coming back_

Kurt knew what he had to do. He had to get out of Lima for a year, or even two. Perhaps he would take up Rachel's offer of going to New York City with her. Perhaps going away would be what was best for him, to get away from his loved ones that had passed on. When he saw the truth, when he knew that his life was back in order, he would come back. He couldn't stay away from his mother, Grace, Mercedes, and Puck for very long. He needed first to mend his harmful ways and to see his mistakes.

'_cause there are heroes and thieves at my door  
><em>_I can't seem to tell them apart anymore  
><em>_Just when I've figured it out  
><em>_Darling, it's you, d__arling, it's you  
><em>_Oh, darling, it's you I'm without_

* * *

><p>After the service, the Puckermans—and Kurt—were called over in the parking lot by Officer Martin. "Mr. and Mrs. Puckerman…Kurt…I have some news," she said, a small smile forming on her face.<p>

"What is it?" Kurt breathed.

"David Karofsky has been arrested for the murder of your son—as well as for the sexual abuse upon you, Kurt."

**To be continued…**


	17. The Trial

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

**Note: This is the last FULL CHAPTER of this story. There WILL be an Epilogue tomorrow, and potentially a deleted scene/alternate ending. **

"You ready to do this?"

Kurt shook his head vehemently. "No. But I know I have to."

"Atta boy," Burt clapped his son on the shoulder. "You'll see, justice will be delivered."

Kurt nodded. "I hope so," he said solemnly. He didn't want to testify. He didn't want to have to face his abuser and his boyfriend's killer again. But he knew that his testimony was the best that they had.

"The defense calls Kurt Hummel to the stand." Kurt stood up slowly, making his way to the witness stand, knees wobbling beneath him. He could feel the entire courtroom staring at him, whispering to each other. _He's the one. He was there when the boy was killed. He was the one that was raped._ Kurt tried to block them all out, focusing on nothing other than getting justice for his beloved Noah. He stood in the box, looking out upon the full courtroom. He placed his hand on the Bible that was held out to him, swearing to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. He sat down slowly, trying to control his shaking hands.

"Please state your name for the record."

"Kurt Jeffery Hummel," Kurt felt a tremor in his voice as he spoke.

"And do you live in Lima, Ohio?"

"Yes," Kurt nodded. "With my father, stepmother, and stepbrother."

"Where is your mother?"

Kurt looked down. "She died," he said quietly. "When I was eight years old."

The defense lawyer softened. "And your dad remarried…recently?"

"Just this past year," Kurt looked up slowly.

"Kurt, what is your relationship with your stepmother?"

Kurt smiled. "She's lovely," he said, looking over at Carole. "She may not be my mother…but Carole is a very nice woman, and we get along great."

"What about your relationship with her son, your stepbrother, Finn?"

Kurt shrugged. "It's just as it is with any other brothers, I suppose. Sometimes I love him, and sometimes he gets on my nerves," he let out a nervous laugh.

The lawyer smiled. "And what about your relationship with your father?"

"It's okay," Kurt tried not to let his eyes betray him. "I mean, we fight, but I suppose it's just like a teenager to fight with their parents."

"So it's true that he withheld information from you recently?"

"Objection!" the state attorney yelled.

"Sustained," the judge ruled.

"Kurt," the defense lawyer continued, not missing a beat. "Did your father recently tell you something, shall we say, shocking?"

"Yes," Kurt cleared his throat. "He told me that I had a sister, who died before I was born."

"Interesting," the lawyer faced the jury. "And so is it true that you attempted suicide that night?"

Kurt froze. Carole's hand flew to her mouth. Finn gazed at Kurt in confusion; that wasn't the story that Quinn had told them. She'd claimed it was an attack, a mugging. "I…."

"You're under oath, Kurt," the lawyer reminded him, a warning.

Kurt gulped. "Yes," he whispered. "I tried to kill myself that night. Yes." He bristled as he heard the jury gasp in shock, half of them shaking their heads in sympathy, and half of them glaring daggers at Burt.

"Kurt," the lawyer continued. "Had you tried to commit suicide prior to this night?"

Kurt sighed. "Yes. About ten months ago. I was committed to the psychiatric ward of the Lima Mercy Hospital afterwards."

"And why, Kurt, where you not committed again after this more recent attempt?"

"Because," Kurt picked at an invisible thread. "My friend told my parents…and the doctors, for that matter…that I was mugged. She covered for me. They didn't know it was…" he trailed off.

"What was your relationship to Noah Puckerman?"

Kurt took a deep breath. "He was my boyfriend."

"How long were you two together?"

"Four months at the time of his death," Kurt said softly.

"Was it a stable relationship?"

Kurt shook his head. "No." A murmur broke out from the jury. "We fought constantly," Kurt explained. "It was mostly about being…intimate."

"Did he ever push you to go further than you wanted to go?"

Kurt nodded. "Yes."

"What were you doing on the night that Noah was shot?"

Kurt closed his eyes. "I was talking to a friend of mine, Rachel, after school. I left the school grounds around 4 p.m.. I went home, because Noah and I had a date at 5:30." He took a breath. "I got dressed and went to the park. I drove, I mean. To the park. I was swinging on the swing," he blushed at the admittance, "and he showed up. We swung for a while, just enjoying each other's company. We sang a song together—his choice, a Green Day song—and we ended up making out on a bench. We'd agreed to go back to either his house or mine to…to have sex," Kurt whispered. "And when we were walking…down the bike path…he must've heard it before I did…a gun clicking…Noah yelled at me to get behind him, got in front of me…before I knew it, he was falling. His last words to me were 'I love you'." He gasped for breath, trying to forget about that night.

The lawyer looked caught off guard by Kurt's story, although he'd heard it before. "And who shot Noah?" he asked gently.

"David Karofsky," Kurt whispered, not looking at the table where Karofsky was sitting.

"What is your relationship to Mr. Karofsky?"

"He torments me," Kurt picked at the imaginary thread again.

"What do you mean, torments?"

Kurt shifted uncomfortably. "I'd call him the typical school bully…but he isn't. It started off with him shoving me against lockers…calling me derogatory names…"

"What kind of derogatory names?" the lawyer interrupted.

"Faggot. Queer. Homo. Fairy," Kurt closed his eyes again. "But then it got much worse. He forced a kiss upon me in the school's locker room. I didn't want it…but he did."

"What else did he do to you?" the lawyer slowly approached the witness stand.

"Raped me," Kurt whispered.

The jury murmured again, glaring now at Karofsky. "Where did he rape you, Kurt?"

"The bathroom…the locker room…the hallway…"

"I mean, was it orally? Anally?"

Kurt shivered. "Both. It was both oral and anal rape."

Another murmur from the jury. "How many times did this happen, Kurt?"

Kurt closed his eyes. "Six," he said in a voice above a whisper.

The jury gasped. "What grounds would he have for killing Noah Puckerman?"

"He wanted me for himself," Kurt looked out towards the courtroom, trying to find comfort in a familiar face. "And he couldn't have me…because of Noah…he figured…if he eliminated the competition…he could have me for himself…that I would fall into his arms." Kurt forced himself to look at Karofsky. "But I would never."

"The defense rests," the lawyer sat down. "You may step down, Kurt."

* * *

><p><em>The verdict came in the next day. Dave Karofsky was convicted on one count of first-degree murder and several counts of first-degree rape. He was sentenced to one-hundred years to life. <em>

"How do you feel?" Carole asked Kurt gently after Karofsky had been taken away in handcuffs.

"I don't know," Kurt shook his head. "But I know of one thing."

"What's that, honey?" she stroked his hair.

"I'm going back," he said quietly. "I'm checking myself in, back in the psychiatric ward." Carole looked shocked. "I have to," he whispered. "I have to find out…what's wrong with me. I have to heal from all of these…tragedies…all of this…trauma. I promise I'll be back soon. But for now…I have to go." And he turned around and walked out of the courthouse, on to the next chapter in his life, vowing to leave this one behind.

**Note: Epilogue tomorrow, alternate ending to follow, so don't abandon this one until Tuesday. **


	18. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. The medical explanations used here are not my own. **

**Note: This is it! This is the Epilogue to Walking Through Fire, and therefore, the ending to the trilogy. I will most likely write a spinoff/companion story in the future, but it won't be for a month or so. Additionally, I will post an alternate ending tomorrow, so keep an eye on that. **

_Two years later_

Tallulah and Santana were joined in a civil union, and are happily living in Chicago, Illinois, where Tallulah is studying clinical psychology, in hopes of counseling children, and Santana is studying forensics. Tallulah's parents do not know that she is a lesbian, let alone that she is joined to another woman. She does not plan on telling them anytime soon. They plan on adopting children after they graduate from college in 2015.

Kurt, after checking himself into the psychiatric ward, was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD. After learning the symptoms of BPD, everything in Kurt's life suddenly made sense. While a person with depression or bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day. These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values. Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy. They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone.

People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans. These fears of abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling emotionally connected to important persons when they are physically absent, leaving the individual with BPD feeling lost and perhaps worthless. Suicide threats and attempts may occur along with anger at perceived abandonment and disappointments.

People with BPD exhibit other impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending, binge eating and risky sex. BPD often occurs together with other psychiatric problems, particularly bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and other personality disorders.

Kurt was immediately put on antidepressants and was made to see a therapist twice a week. He has not had an 'episode' since. He left the psychiatric ward in time to graduate high school on time. He tries to stay away from the cemetery if he can help it, for fear of relapsing. He even took up Rachel's offer of moving to New York with her.

Someone even followed them there.

Someone Kurt Hummel never would've expected to fall in love with.

_Sam Evans.  
><em>_  
><em>**To be continued in the next story, "A Little Patch of Hevan", coming to your computer in Fall 2011. **


	19. Alternate Ending

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.**

**Note: So here is the alternate ending! It's not much, but it's the gist of what would've happened, had Puck not been shot. As a result, this story is now COMPLETE and will be marked as being so. I hope you like it. **

"You know, we might have to kick Finn out of the house, unless you wanna have a threesome," Kurt giggled.

"No, thanks," Puck rolled his eyes. "Besides, I see Finn in the locker room all the time. So not worth it."

Kurt smacked his arm lightly. "He's my stepbrother! I see him in the shower!"

"Is he better than me?" Puck asked with mock jealousy.

"Of course not," Kurt blushed. "Your penis is bigger. And you have better arms."

Puck laughed. "Why thank you, sir."

"Anytime," Kurt moved closer to Puck.

"God, you're adorable," Puck slipped his hand into Kurt's.

"I try," Kurt giggled, lacing his fingers into Puck's, finding a strange, sudden comfort in the older boy's rough hands.

"And you succeed," Puck kissed Kurt's temple softly.

"You know what? You're the best boyfriend in the world," Kurt leaned his head against Puck's arm, enjoying how warm and strong it felt beneath his cheek.

"No, I'm pretty sure that would be you," Puck teased him.

"No, you," Kurt gave Puck a playful shove.

"No, you," Puck tickled Kurt's ribs gently, earning him another shove. "Come on," Puck picked him up and swung him onto his back. "Let's go home."

* * *

><p>"Are you sure you want to do this?" a breathless Puck asked, lying on top of a half-naked Kurt.<p>

Kurt nodded, unable to speak. "Yes," he whispered. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Okay," Puck pressed his lips to Kurt's forehead. "I'm just making sure…I don't want to hurt you…not just physically, but I don't wanna hurt you _emotionally_, you know?"

"I know," Kurt reached up to stroke Puck's cheek, causing a shiver to travel down the Jewish teen's spine. "But I think I'm ready for this. I love you, Noah, and I want to be with you."

"Forever?" Puck dared to ask, holding his breath as he awaited Kurt's answer.

"I don't know about forever," Kurt murmured. "But right now, yes. Maybe forever. All I know is that right now, in this moment, I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone."

Puck brushed a tear away from Kurt's long eyelashes. "I love you, you know."

"I know," Kurt brought Puck in for a longing kiss, feeling a newfound fire in his belly.

_They made sweet love that night. And Kurt was not afraid, nor in pain._

* * *

><p><em>Three months later<em>

"God, I love you," Puck spooned Kurt, nibbling his ear gently.

"Love you, too," Kurt murmured, loving how warm Puck was keeping him, how he seemed to fit so perfectly into the older boy's large arms, how Puck's breath tickled the back of his neck.

"I have something for you," Puck got up.

"What's that?" Kurt sat up, pulling his boxers back up.

"Just this," Puck mumbled, handing Kurt a jewelry box. Kurt accepted it curiously. He opened it up to find a silver bracelet with "forever" inscripted in it.

"Oh!" Kurt's eyes welled with tears. "Oh, Noah, it's beautiful," he slid it on right away.

"I hoped you'd like it," Puck blushed. "Does it fit good?"

"Yes," Kurt admired it. "It's perfect." He dug around in his nightstand drawer. "I have something for you, too," he slid in close to Puck. "Here."

"What's this?" Puck waggled his eyebrows, unwrapping it. "Kurt…what's…?"

"A promise ring," Kurt said, sliding it onto Puck's finger. "With this ring, I promise myself to you…forever."

"Forever?" Puck's eyes widened. "You really mean it?"

"Check the back," Kurt flushed pink.

Puck turned it over. "K&N," he read aloud. "I love it," he wrestled Kurt into a bear hug, resulting in a sweet kiss.

"I'm glad you do," Kurt whispered. "And I'm yours forever, if you want me."

"I do," Puck kissed Kurt again. "I do."

_And forever, Kurt was Noah's. _


End file.
